Ex King
by Cogitor
Summary: Out on the African savanna, five misfit animals seek the help of a presumed do-gooder lion living nearby. Strangely intrigued and disgusted by his visitors at the same time, the lion accepts to help them out.
1. Chapter 1

_**Foreword**_

_**And now for something completely different!  
The 'story' that will follow is to my other stories what 'McFood' is to a real dinner. Consider it a guilty pleasure on my part. It's inspired by and based on works by the Belgian cult-author Herman Brusselmans (mostly "Ex-Drummer" and "Pitface"), but set in a Lion King-universe. A lot of the content borders on plagiarism, so beware.  
As for the story itself, take note of the following pointers:  
Differentiate between the principal character and the author (me). They are quite different.  
Differentiate between this and the other stories I write. This one is not serious, you should read it with some irony in mind, and don't discredit my other stories based on a distaste for this one.  
Do leave some reviews; I'd like to know how bad an idea it was to write this.  
Have fun?**_

* * *

**Ex-King**

**1.**

Even though the simpler beings disgust me to no end, I sometimes find pleasure in descending from my mountaintop and mixing among them, sharing their pathetic lives for a moment, safe in the knowledge that I can step out of their world of grime the moment I please, whilst they cannot.

That is not to say my world is one of perfection. Not at all, if only for the simple fact that perfection does not exist, and that one can only strive towards it without any hopes of ever actually achieving it. And truth be told, I don't seek perfection. No-one in his sane mind ever could: to actually expect to achieve anything even only nearing perfection only comes to show how vain someone is, and filled with ludicrous illusions. I cannot see how such can be identified with sane, by any standard.

No, I'll pass on perfection. I do, however, have a strong desire to live a life of dignity, and relative comfort. Mind you, it's often extremely hard to reconcile comfort and dignity: the entire idea of dignity revolves around having the strength to deny yourself more lowly, even loathsome forms of comfort. And those are aplenty, as a matter of fact, they make up the lives of most other creatures to crawl the earth. And that's exactly what makes me scorn them so. It's their weakness, their short-sighted simple-mindedness.

And I dare say I do not harbour such weakness. To the contrary, I 'm pretty sure I exhibit modest strength in defying the common sludge assaulting the fortress that is my mind on a daily basis, notwithstanding my many vices.

Like the other day, where I almost chocked on a little bone getting jammed in my throat. I was honestly fearing I'd die. Even I fear death, maybe even more so than other creatures: for some reason, they seem to believe that after their passing, they'd somehow get a second chance, if not in the heavens, then on earth. I'm pretty confident that won't happen; after all, their lives are so worthless it would be a waste of time to award them a do-over. If something is shite, you don't repeat it, or so I presume. All the more reason to live this life with dignity, and to regret an untimely end to a decent life, although those really are few and far in between.

What is not one of my vices, though, is to posses any illusions. No, if there were one thing I lacked, it'd be illusions. I take both great care and pride in avoiding them in myself, and to point them out, dissect and if possible utterly repudiate them in others. It saves you a great deal of disappointments in the long run, although you might feel a bit let down by life in general in the short term. That's probably why illusions are so often fostered. Or maybe not. I do not hold all the answers.

But what I did know, however, was that the band of misfits I saw approaching my den held more illusions than I could cope with without my disdain for the holders showing.

I immediately felt annoyed by the mere sight of the diverse lot, even though they were still to far away to really give me reasons to look down upon them; I hadn't seen what they actually looked like, heard how they talked, or even smelled how they reeked. That last aspect I would probably already have been aware of if the wind had been less favourable, but I seemed to have had some luck on that front: the weather was quiet, and sunny. That was the reason why I was lying in front of my den, actually: I wanted to get some sun, and look at the other animals minding their own business, maybe have a nap, stuff like that.

...

Yes, I have a lot of spare time on my hands. I try to spend most of it with my queen, Lio. You should probably note, though, that she isn't really a 'queen', while I am no king. I call her that out of respect. She is _my_ queen, and I treat her likewise, always. Like just now, when she wanted get some sleep alone, in our cave; she asked me to leave, I left. Now she's sleeping in our hilltop cave, and I'm at the entrance, getting some sun, looking at the plains below.

Looking at a band of animals that stumbled forwards, in my general direction. A lioness, a leopard, a cheetah, and two hyenas. As they came ever closer, I couldn't help the feeling that those approaching me were nothing but a pack of hapless lowlifes intent on disturbing my carefully balanced routine. But, contrary to what you might have expected, the prospect of that didn't repulse me. In ways, I found it strangely appealing. I wasn't entirely sure why, though.

"E-Excuse me, are you the lion living here?"

"It would seem so..."

At first sight, it appeared as if my predictions about the unexpected visitors were correct. They did indeed smell bad, the hyenas worst of all. And all of them could be regarded as rather ugly, not because they were born that way, but because their lifestyle had made them so. Specks of dried blood on the hyenas, a nasty rash on one of the lioness's hind-paws, those sort of things. And a lot of flies swarming around them, allured by the scent of rotten meat the animals brought with them. I try to avoid that, if possible, by keeping hygiene tight. Lio is only too happy to help me with that.

"Oh, all right..."

My response seemed to have confused the visitors somehow. But what could they have expected, approaching me with so stupid a question? I invited the animals to join me, on the small rocky clearing just outside my cave, covered in shade thanks to an overhanging rock, and a couple of trees. As soon as everyone sat down, I turned to the cheetah again, who seemed to be doing the talking.

"Now, you were saying?"

"Yes – eh... no... I..." the cheetah stuttered. Why was it that these simple questions seemed too difficult for the halfwit to handle?

"Well you can't have both. Yes or no, make up your mind."

"What he meant to say..." the lioness suddenly stepped in. Now that she had opened her mouth, I found her even less appealing than before, as her plain, somehow what stressed voice only added to the unflattering composition that her scrawny body and dull, sandy coloured fur along with her glassy, empty eyes made. "What he meant to say was that we're not exactly from around here..."

"I'm from around here," one of the hyenas suddenly blurted, the smaller, more greyish one. I couldn't help but notice he, or she, whatever, had the same glassy eyes as the lioness. I immediately disliked the hyena, if only because of what it had said: true as it might be that he/she was indeed from 'around here', his/her point was nonetheless irrelevant at present.

"Good for you," I simply retorted. In doing so, I paved the way for a short silence that made the visitors feel extremely uncomfortable, and me rather amused. I quickly decided, however, to get the banal conversation going again, if only to shorten the animals' stay.

"You were saying most of you weren't from around here?"

"Right... As I said, we're not from around here, so we've probably never met... You probably don't know who we are, actually..."

_I do know, however, what you are: you are boring me._

"But we, on the other paw, have already heard quite a few things about you."

"I do hope they were favourable?" I said, jokingly. In truth, I didn't really give a damn. But you have to say something every now and then, lest others forget you're around.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. That's the thing, actually: we heard about a lion some time ago, and the animals were saying all these nice things about him. You know, how he minded his own business, didn't hassle others or bossed them around, was polite and stuff..."

Well there you have it, all those 'nice things', all by-products of a dignified life. Unintended, I should add.

"And it appeared that lion was you," the lioness concluded.

"Well, let me say that's a lot more praise than I deserve..." I chuckled, insincerely, "But all those kind words aside, what brings you to my home? For all the noise you have been spewing up until now, you have yet to let loose any clue as to the nature of your visit."

"Well.. eh... We kinda wanted to ask you for help, really..."

What a joke, she didn't even get the insult! That said, I was pleased to finally get the first sensible answer out of the visitors. Whoopty-doo. Well, now I at least knew what the lowlifes were buggering me for: they wanted a favour, or something along those lines. Should have seen that coming, really: everyone is always out to further their self-interest, preferably at the expense of someone else. If the blockheads came to seek me, it wasn't for my benefit, but for theirs. A though suddenly occurred to me.

"Yes, I had guessed it'd be something like that. But would you please excuse me, I have matters to attend to right now. Do stick around, and make yourselves comfortable," I interrupted, adding under my breath: "And please try not to drool over anything, if you don't mind..."

Without further ado, I turned around and walked into my cave, leaving the visitors waiting at the entrance. Since I wasn't exactly adept at reading other animal's minds, I could only guess what they were thinking. But I think it would be fair to assume they were feeling they were being put in a really awkward position. And they would be right; a host just walking out on his guests is really a faux-pas – among decent folks. But since my guests didn't exactly fit that category, I felt pretty comfortable ditching them for the time being.

As I slacked towards the sleeping quarters, I immediately felt more relaxed, both because of the lack of ignorant visitors and the clean, orderly surroundings. Not that the unexpected appearance of my visitors had disturbed me so, but my home simply made me feel more at ease. It smells good, it's clean, it's tidy and it's quiet. But most of all, it was the sight of my queen that lifted my spirits, seeing her perfect figure lounging in the furthers corner of the cave.

Momentarily mesmerised by her tan fur, seemingly black in the darkness of the cave, I could but sit and stare, thinking of a thousand ways to celebrate our unbridled lusting for each other in orgasmic delight. I considered simply taking her now, boorishly violating her before she even has the chance to wake up. She fancies that, sometimes. I swiftly put aside those more primal urges, however, as I had other things to attend to now. There would always be a next day, for the time being.

"My dear..." I whispered gently in her ear is I bowed over her sleeping body. Stroking over her lean flank, I was fully aware of how lucky a lion I was to have Lio's near-perfection at my disposal nearly any moment I pleased. She was the sort of lionesses lesser lions fantasized about whilst ravaging their decrepit harlots.

Lio let out a long drawn out yet unimaginably sensual moan, to which I had no response but to gently bite her ear, causing her to moan yet again. How I adore that sound...

"Awww... Why'd you wake me up already?" she purred yawningly. I kissed her, the taste of her arousing me even more, before answering.

"You're not happy to see me?"

"No, not happy. Ecstatic." She kissed me back, intensely yet intimate, "It's still early..."

"I know, and I'm sorry. But we have guests."

Lio didn't seem surprised to hear that, but then again, she never did. You can never catch my queen of-guard, ever. I admire her for that.

"You woke me up because of guests? Are they acquaintances? Important? Interesting?"

"None of those, let me assure you – if anything, they excel in their dull plainness. I did get the impression, though, they were about to ask me something you too should be a part of, regardless of how ludicrous their intended questions might be."

"Is that so?" She got up, taking a few seconds to stretch her gorgeous body. "We should go and see them then. Who knows, maybe this might still turn out fun, one way or another."

I lead the way to the exit of our cave, where the four visitors were still waiting, now engaged in muted – and undoubtedly dull, vulgar – conversation. I ostentatiously cleared my throat to signal my arrival.

"Ahem... Sorry to have left you all hanging like that, but I felt it would be appropriate to engage my partner in our conversation."

As Lio emerged from behind me, I could almost feel both the cheetah and the leopard – being the males that they were – being awed by her mere appearance. The lioness, I could imagine, would be pretty envious. The hyenas, on the other hand, inadvertently retarded as hyenas usually are, didn't seem to appreciate Lio's greatness nearly enough. Or just maybe, they were both male and queer; I couldn't really tell for either one.

"_Dear_ guests, meet Lio." I paused for a moment, allowing my queen to present her breath-taking smile to the guests. "Hmm... Come to think about it, you haven't really told me your names, have you? Well, now 's your chance."

The guests seemed to hesitate. Were even the most basal tasks too much for them, I wondered? Eventually, though, the smaller, glassy-eyed hyena spoke up.

"Eh... Okay... I'm Tusha, and eh... I – I live..."

"Now don't get carried away – no need to get into the details. Just the name," I abruptly cut it short, before it got to telling it's life story. I was still wondering about it's gender though – it's kinda hard to tell with their kind unless you see who's humping who. And that's still disregarding the chance of queer hyenas.

"One thing though – are you a guy or a broad? You have to excuse me, but for us lions, it's kinda hard to tell you apart, from a distance..."

It goes without say the other animals found that question hilarious. I would like to say I didn't blame them, yet I did. It was a perfectly normal question, given the circumstances. The fact that the hyenas replied without any hind of indignation, but rather with a calm and dignified restraint, put them back a notch on my scale of contempt – at least something that didn't give me more grounds to scorn them on.

"Female."

"Yeah, me too," added the other hyena, "The name's Zoa, by the way."

The rest of the animals, after the expected hyena joke now and then, quickly followed suit in introducing themselves. The lioness was named Bedawi, the leopard Bangi and the cheetah Senge.

"All right, now that we've got that over with, how 'bout I get you guys something to eat while we talk?" Lio suddenly proposed. That's my girl! Give the fools a few handouts, perpetuate their view of you as just another submissive lioness, and before you know it, they'll let you and me get away with everything, especially open contempt. Also, it was a polite thing to do, offering them a treat. It obviously worked, as all the guest gasped in pleasant surprise. Lio disappeared into the cave, returning within minutes carrying the flank of a prey we had taken down a few days ago. 't Was a bit dry, and rotten, but nonetheless more than good enough for our visitors. They all seemed very please with their little snack – save for the cheetah.

"No, I'm sorry, I only eat fresh meat..."

"Excuse me?" I grunted in faked indignation. In truth, I was well aware cheetahs don't usually eat anything that's no longer warm, yet I felt like I couldn't miss the opportunity to toy with my visitors a bit.

"Is my offering not good enough for you, hmm?" I hissed, now pretending anger.

"No, no!" Senge quickly yelped as I encroached on his position, "I just like my meat fresh, 's all! No offence!"

I have to admit, in preferring fresh food, the cheetah showed some good taste. It is no secret I discard my kills after feeding on them once – except for the one I keep stashed in the cave, should hardship or visit befall me. That's probably why so many animals around here consider me kind: I hand out the remainder of my kills when I've lost my taste for them to whomever is hungry enough to eat it. That I do so not in an act of generosity, but in one of near-arrogance seems to slip past them. However, I was enjoying myself too much to give the cheetah a free pass, so I pressed the issue.

"I wouldn't have cared if you were Aiheu himself. If I offer you something, you eat it. It's called common curtsy!"

"Wow, calm down, no need to get Aiheu mixed up in all this..."

"I shit on Aiheu. What makes me angry is you making me look like a fool in my own home. You've got some nerves, buddy..." I closed in on the cheetah even more. It seemed to make him nervous, and amuse the others.

"Come on, Senge, don't be a dick, just eat the fucking meat!" giggled Tusha. I started disliking the sound of that hyena's voice almost as much as I loathed her smell.

"You shouldn't swear," I suggested, now simply turning around and ignoring the cheetah. I'd wasted enough time already. I picked up the meat and tossed it in the other animals general direction. "Now, you guys seem to like it, so go ahead, have Senge's portion too. His ungratefulness is no reason to let good food go to waste."

Living up to the expectations I had of 'em, the other animals shortly squabbled over the extra piece of meat, but the argument subsided before long – although not before I got bored with it. As a matter of fact, I was getting bored not just with their short bickering, but with their presence altogether. The quicker I could get to the heart of the conversation, the quicker I could get another nap, or maybe do Lio – I hadn't really decided yet. Probably both.

"Now, I'm sorry we got sidetracked a bit there, but I think you were about to tell me why you are all here. You said you needed my help?"

"Well... yeah. Seeing as you have so great a reputation around here, we figured you could be just the sort of lion we need to give our plans the finality they deserve..."

Oh my, they had 'plans'? And I was just the sort of lion they were looking for? They'd be in for a nasty surprise, I'll tell you that.

"Is that so? I wouldn't be the lion you were looking for if I didn't immediately ask what those plans are, would I? So go ahead..."

I should have really added 'enlighten me', but that would have been too obvious.

"Eh...about that..." Bedawi hesitated for a moment, "Until we get you on our team... it's sort of confidential... can we first, like, ask some questions?"

You? Asking me questions? I laugh at you out of my ass. That said, I started really getting amused at the sorry lot in front of me. How they were taking themselves serious was simply hilarious. Confidential? On our team? Ask questions? What a joke, all of those big words were obviously wasted on them, and yet they continued to spout them.

"Sure, go on ahead, I'm down with some questions. Nothing too embarrassing, I hope?"

"No, no, not at all... Just some basics, you know... Like... What do you know about the pride living east of here?

Ah, so it would be an interrogation. I could either screw them over, or simply tell the truth and get it over with quickly. Or I could do anything in between that unnoticed.

"Not that much, actually. I'm originally more from the West-side, you know? I tend to only keep up with my acquaintances from over there... But anyway, no, I don't know much about the pride east of here. Don't even know who rules it. Who's in charge anyway? Rogue, dynasty, committee, anything in between?"

"A tyrant!" Senge suddenly growled. How fun this was: in interrogating me, they told me all I needed to know. After all, if you approach a "non-aligned"-lion – I prefer not to call myself a "rogue", such derogative should be kept for murderers and rapists who happen not to have crowned themselves king yet – and start blabbering about a tyrant – the word itself says more about the one uttering it than about the subject – it's pretty obvious they want you to help get rid of that supposed tyrant.

"Quiet, Senge!" Bedawi hissed, after which she turned back to me, "Sorry about that. But now that he mentioned it, what are your thoughts about the concept of having a king? Any monarchist sympathies?"

If I had, I wouldn't tell you, to the contrary, I would hear you out and then turn you in to whomever it is you are so pathetically conspiring against, for a fitting reward on my part, laughing all the way to the bank. Unfortunately, you seem to have been lucky this time: I have a history with regicide, and all the fun that comes with it.

"Well, I used to be ideologically opposed to the idea, but now I'm just indifferent. If the inept choose to be lead by the inbred whilst leaving me out of it, it couldn't care less."

As I had come to expect, the visitors – most of them anyway – nodded approvingly; they were satisfied with the response. My guess is that if I had come out too strong against the monarchy, they would suspected me of lying about it – at least, that's what I would have suspected, I couldn't really tell if the others were that bright. Probably not.

After that, a few other questions followed, although none really seemed that important. The visitors had heard what they had wanted to hear, and so, it wasn't long before they finally got to explaining whatever plan they had.

"All right, good, I can tell we came to the right place. You're really a good guy, I can tell," the leopard suddenly whispered. He sounded like someone who was really trying to hard to conspire, which made me laugh – almost. He hadn't said a lot prior to that, and if that was all he had to offer, 't was probably a good thing he didn't speak too much. But oddly enough, he seemed to be carrying the conversation from there. Things seemed to just keep going downhill all day long...

"Look, I'll be frank – no need to waste your time, or mine. We have a problem, and that problem is the so-called 'king' that rules the pride east of here. He's violent, lazy, ignorant, sadistic and usually doped out of his mind..."

From the looks of it, he's not the only one. Being doped out, that is, not the other stuff. That's probably where the hyena Tusha and the lioness Bedawi got that weird look in their eyes – although I wasn't aware of any herb having that effect, or indeed any predator turning to it to get some kicks out of their otherwise meaningless lives. But the times change, I guess. Besides, as I didn't knew anything about those eastern lands where my visitors came from, it was entirely possible that their entire kingdom had turned to substance-abuse. Although pretty unlikely, it would be quite funny on a certain level; watching others debase themselves has a certain comical quality to it.

"He doesn't exactly sound like someone I'd invite over, I'll give you that. But what exactly does he have to do with me – I mean, do you maybe want me to sort out some issues between him and the lot of you?"

Of course, I already knew what they were going to ask, but it somehow felt appropriate to mislead the others a bit. It often works in your advantage if others underestimate you. And it's fun to pretend.

"No, it goes quite a bit further than that, I'm afraid. Our dear king is beyond repair – not that there is anything in particular that is broken, he was just a mess to start with..."

"We want him dead," Bedawi suddenly growled, conforming the obvious.

"And I suppose you would want me to... ?"

The animals nodded. How delightful, they wanted me to kill some other lion I had never even heard of before, let alone seen. And I doubt they'd put anything down in return for that feat. Still, the idea somehow aroused me. I gave my visitors another skewed look. Somehow, I couldn't help but see their invitation to go along with them to kill some random jerk as an opportunity.

I really didn't appreciate the life I lead nearly enough. Mingling with these lowlifes to remind me how terrible the alternatives to my life are could really help remedy that. And besides, it could be fun.

"All right, sounds like nasty. But just one question: why? I mean, sure, he sounds like a jackass, but that doesn't mean I immediately want to kill him, or that you would want him dead..." Before I could further pretend to still be considering their request, the visitors already responded.

"He's a tyrant!"

"For liberty's sake!"

"Death to the oppressor!"

"He's putting my people down!"

"He beats others into the ground!"

All very lofty ideals, sure. Chances were, however, that the real motives behind these animals' aversion to that particular lion had their roots in more lowly grievances. Sleeping with the wrong lioness, getting into one of the druggy's stash, those sort of things. Either way, it would only add to the fun if I found out about those.

"All right, you've struck a chord – very sly of you, playing into my dormant commitment to liberty for all the peoples of Africa, by the way..." And now I have them feel intelligent, how hilarious is that, "Anyway: count me in! I'll help you get rid of that tyrant, and let me assure you, I wont disappoint you."

And so it was that I descended from the comfort of my dignified existence, into the darkness, into the drudgery, into the filth.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's note: sorry, I am well aware this story too is taking too long between updates... I'll try fix my tempo in the summer, when I'm through with these two months of dreadful exams. Until that time, here's Ex-King Chapter 2!**_

* * *

**Ex-King**

**2.**

The first day I spent down with the lesser creatures of this earth started surprisingly low-key. That is to say, I refused to make a big deal out of it, or get my new associates all worked up. No, if anything, I did just the opposite: right after having agreed to join their supposed fight for freedom, I sent them packing and went to get some sleep. It goes without say they had expected me to get down to business right away, but I like to mess with others' expectations.

However, since my life is short enough as it is without me wasting too much time on overturning conventional expectations, I had agreed to meet with Senge the following day, so he could share with me any details concerning the task that was supposedly awaiting me. He was supposed to meet me near midday, at my place. Senge was perfectly on time, yet I decided to leave him hanging for a while.

In a stroke genius, Lio had the idea to welcome dear Senge personally. She showed up after Senge had been waiting in the burning sun for quite a while already, which probably mellowed him out a bit to start with. Curious of the cheetah's tastes and character, Lio strutted around him defiantly for a while, all the time engaging in suggestive conversation.

There, for the first time, Senge managed to pleasantly surprise me: he managed to remain stoic. You always have to keep in mind that Lio is as close to a feline goddess as lionesses come for what the looks, and her intellect, are concerned. Others have killed to get her, and have gotten killed once they got to her. I lucked out on that front. But it only comes to show you need steel determination to turn Lio down, or to ever ignore her. Yet Senge managed to do just that.

He just replied more or less politely to anything my queen threw at him, and brushed of any move she made. It became boring to watch awfully quickly, so I decided to thrust myself into the scene and wrap up the charade.

"Oh, hi there, Senge! Nice day, isn't it? Sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm sure Lio kept you entertained throughout..."

"Yes, quite..." Senge mumbled. From the looks of it, he was happy to finally see me appear. Strange, if you are kept in limbo by someone, you're usually not happy to see them, but rather pissed. And by now, I was pretty sure Senge was smart enough to realize I had deliberately kept him in the glaring sun for all that time. And yet he seemed genuinely excited to see me... why? Did he really see a liberator in me? Or was it something else? I figured I'd find out soon enough, so I didn't spend time dwelling on it.

"But at least Lio kept you locked in conversation, right? But enough small talk, I'm getting a soar throat already. Let's go get a drink!"

"Ah..."

"Or are we on so tight a schedule a lion can't even get a drink?" I unconsciously put some aggression in that last statement. How unexpected of me, yet also welcome: building a trusting relation involves walking a tightrope of befriending and alienating. If you befriend too much, you'll look like a fake, even to the untrained and unintelligent eye.

"No, sure, no problem. I could do with some water as well – if that's okay with you, of course?"

Submitting already? I guess I was going to be the dominant element in this dyad.

"Sure, come along, if you wish. You can fill me on whatever it is I need to know on the way there. Just don't make me reply, I really need a drink before I engage in real conversation."

And so me and my new cheetah associate walked over to the watering-hole nearby. A nice watering hole, I should add, pretty popular among the locals, who usually enjoyed my company whenever I was among them. On of those local inhabitants happened to be a female cheetah, and she happened to be taking a drink the very moment we arrived. She was still pretty young, and most probably attractive to her kind – I wouldn't know, as I have a hard time telling any cheetah from the other, let alone a normal from a pretty one.

Cheetahs look so alike to me that, in fact, even now, I could hardly make out Senge from the female cheetah. That what the lousy bastards get for a thousand years of inbreeding. If you encounter anyone telling you that the pure races are the superior ones, be sure to punch their teeth out. After all, is it not on a pure surface that filth stands out the most? Just look at me: I'm probably the worst mongrel in all of Africa, son to a bastard father and a whore of a mother – yet that didn't stop me from spilling the 'pure' blood of countless weakling nobles. If certainly not perfect, am I still not at least the better one?

But I digress. I was going on a about a female cheetah, no? For the life of me, I can't remember her name. Not that I found her to be unworthy of remembering. I had nothing against her; we met whilst having a drink every now and then, exchanging formal niceties. She lacked refinement or education, but was certainly not a figurative retard like many other animals I come across every now and then. And from what I could gather, she had some cynicism in her. Back in the Old Country, she would have been a useful asset if properly molded, a resource to be tapped for the good of The Cause. Here, however, in this backwater 'hood, she'd probably just live another lowly life not worthy to be called even that, being vehemently forced below what she might have achieved both for herself and The Cause. Being kept down by the powers that be, by backward ideas and traditions...

Sorry. That's the old me talking. The old me who believed anyone could, and should, be able to amount to... well, anything. I've since left that ideal for what it is, an ideal. An illusion, which, like all illusions, is best of being destroyed, brought to the ground.

The truth is, some are just not fit to amount to anything, they cannot even surpass the level of an empty drone. If left to develop themselves, they degenerate into the kind of beings which I have mentioned before, lacking even such basic values as dignity. Others, however, can amount to anything, but cannot be trusted when they do. They use their abilities not to build up society or themselves, but to either live a life as leeching parasites or, worse, as outright traitors working tirelessly to destroy all the great things better animals have helped build for them.

That said, all these problems have a solution. The drones can be corrected by constant guidance and control, the leeches by coercion, the traitors by elimination. But even though solutions exist to correct whatever flaws my former ideals contained, it takes an insufferable amount of self sacrifice on the part of the more gifted and righteous, such as myself, to do so. To sustain both the drones and the leeches, and get rid of the traitors, only for something as intangible as an ideal – all that while I could just as well spend my time in the sun with a gorgeous lioness by my side, living a modestly fulfilling, dignified life. I have made my choice.

But on with my heroic tale of various heroic activities set in a heroic context starring countless heroes. I was having a drink.

"Hey, big guy!"

"And good afternoon to you too," I nodded to the before mentioned female cheetah.

"Well you're certainly all sunshine today. Who's your cute friend?"

"What, him?" I briefly motioned at Senge, "He's Senge, lives somewhere east of here. Don't really know a lot about him apart from that. Go ahead, get acquainted. I'll just have another drink..."

Strangely enough, Senge didn't seem to appreciate the company of a fair member of his own kind, especially not when their short conversation touched on more suggestive issues. My best guess was that he felt he needed to preserve his loyalty for a special someone who clearly wasn't the lady cheetah hanging around us now. Whether that was an admirable feature naturally depended wholly on who that special someone was; I respect loyalty to a worthy partner, like my own queen. However, if that loyalty is directed at a person of more questionable character... well, in such instances it is pathetic, based in nothing but vain illusions. For Senge's sake, he'd better not fall into the latter category.

"All right, eh, it was nice meeting you, Malida," Senge stuttered after his little talk with the lady-cheetah had slowly died down, "But eh... we'll have to be going now, I'm sure our friend over there is tired of waiting..."

"Oh, don't worry, Senge, I have time to spare. But if you insist on ditching Malida, go right ahead..." I smiled venomously.

Malida, the female cheetah as you might have guessed, suddenly started snickering when she heard me put Senge in so uncomfortable a position.

"Oh, how typical of you to say something like that... you'd be a good catch, you know that? Too bad you're already taken. Anyway, I can sense when my presence becomes too much. Big Guy, Cutesy, I'll see you guys later – I hope."

"Not with that attitude you won't. Later."

My cheetah companion immediately mellowed up again once we got on the road again – all the company I forced upon him seemed to really get to him. If so, Senge really wasn't that big a deal. Seriously, if he couldn't even handle some attractive felines, how the hell was he supposed to help me overthrow their puny king? Piss all over himself once the jerk showed up? All the more fun for me, I suppose, but that is no way to stage a coup.

"All right, we got sidetracked. Get used to it, life sometimes takes useless twists. Anyway... Were are we going, exactly? Who are we going to visit?"

"Well, eh... I was kind of planning on taking you to visit the lion pride in question," Senge mumbled cautiously, as if he already knew how stupid he sounded, "And we could kind of take it from there?"

"Senge, not unlike you, that plan is retarded on so many levels. If you want me to kill a king , walking up to his den and mingling among his pride isn't really the brightest of ideas."

"Oh... sorry... you're probably right. You'll undoubtedly have to prepare before taking out the king. Scouting and stuff like that, I take it?"

"I don't care how you take it, Senge. But you are right in saying _we_, as opposed to I, have to prepare. A first step would be to pay a visit to all of our fellow conspirators, in a covert fashion of course. It'd be nice to know what all of our 'friends' usually do, and what uses they might have."

"Right... I didn't plan for that, but... I could make it happen, I suppose," Senge didn't sound at all happy. Most likely because he had envisioned something else when he thought of me killing the king. Something backwards like a duel, no doubt. The thought of having to get his own paws dirty, him and all his other companions, didn't seem to appeal to him at all. Too bad for them: I was planning on having some fun on this subversive quest of mine, and the more joined in on that fun, the merrier. For me, probably not so much fun for them.

"I guess we should make a first stop at Tusha's den. She lives pretty much on the fringes of our kingdom. Literally, and figuratively... It's just north of here, just follow me."

"Hyenas often do seem to live on the fringes. I take it she lives there with whatever clan belongs to her?" I asked, more to keep up the conversation than out of genuine interest. There is, after all, little use in getting into the personal life of animals you'll most likely be using as fodder for the king's claws – or a generally similar fate; for all my virtues, even I can't plan for all eventualities, let alone predict the future.

"Well, as a matter of fact, no. The other hyena with us yesterday, Zoa, is the local matriarch. She and her clan live just next to the lion land, east-north-east of here..."

"Then what is that other trollop doin' living somewhere else?"

"Long story; she got kicked out of her clan. Issues with lions, and with far more dangerous matters. So Zoa got rid of her until she got her act together..."

"Her assisting me in this venture to kill the lion king is part of getting that act together, no doubt? Regicidal community service, so to speak... What a joke. I must say, Senge, you guys sure succeeded in mopping together an impressive collection of losers, misfits and rejects." Sometimes, even I have no choice but to speak the truth and let slip my facade. With this latest remark, my open contempt seemed to finally sink in with Senge, as I could see him frowning vehemently. But rather than try and take back my insult, I decided to mold it into something more useful.

"A good thing there's still _us_, Senge."

_Us_, as opposed to the before mentioned retards. Now don't you feel _special_, Senge? Your bloated ego really is an easy target to woo.

"With this sorry lot being all _we_ have to work with, _we_'ll have to rely on each other. I can rely on you, cant I, Senge?"

"Eh... sure! You can count one me to do my part in helping you, sir..."

"Good, I expected no less. I'll need someone with your smarts, Senge. Those others can't be counted on for much, as you probably well now... But enough about us, now for those before mentioned lesser gods: where's that retard Tusha?"

"Right here, I think. Her den is supposed to be around here somewhere..."

"I'd trust my nose from here," I carefully sniffed the air, until I finally caught the scent I was looking for, being immediately repulsed by it, "Oh yeah, it's just down the hill from here. Where the air smells foulest."

"Now that you mention it... yuck..."

Following my nose, quite literally, we both moved down the hill, stumbling onto an unimpressive lair almost instantly. Although sheltered from sight by some scarce brushes, nothing could hide the stench – a damp shroud of rotten meat, excrement and, to a lesser extent, hyena smell. Admittedly, the latter isn't that bad per-se; most animals dislike lion's smell more, probably because lions are more likely to kill them, for as far as I know.

I carefully moved closer, avoiding some lone bones that lay scattered around on the ground – I wonder whether Tusha still planned on eating those. You know, like dry foods.

"What's so funny?"

"Dry foods," I smirked. Senge, not really getting the reference, pretended I hadn't started smiling in the first place. Rightly so. I'm really not as funny as I'd like to be. That's okay; I compensate in so many ways: virility, charisma, madness, tranquility, ...

"Tusha! Hey, Tusha!" Senge called out into the darkened den. For just being lone outcast hyena, Tusha's residence seemed to be pretty expansive. My best guess is that whatever multitude of tenants lived here before all served as the hyena's first meal after moving in. It would certainly have a comic quality to it.

After twenty seconds or so, the first noises arose from the cave. Stumbling noises. Heaving noises, sounded like someone had to catch his or her breath for a moment. Then, from the shadows, appeared Tusha's hideous form.

"Well look at that, I thought I'd seen hell in my days, but you seem expert at lowering the bar, Tusha. Congratulations!"

As I had expected, the hyena was in no position to understand what I was saying, let alone think of an apt response. The empty gleam I'd seen in her eyes before was now way more profound than it was yesterday, and the way she moved were a tell-tale-sign of just how much of a waste of air she had become. But as I could easily count most of her ribs, I was pretty sure she wouldn't be wasting my air for long. Starvation was what she had coming.

"Hey butch, I'm talking to you!", I growled once more, "You gonna talk back, or just sit there being shit-faced all day long?"

"What the fuck is this?" she suddenly muttered, staring at some undefined spot between Senge and me, "What are you?"

With that last incoherence, she suddenly turned around and moved back into her cave. She fell once on her way back there. I hope she hurt herself. The though alone made me all warm inside.

"Well that was a waste of my time," I sneered at Senge as soon as Tusha had disappeared again, "You mind telling me why exactly it is I wasted my time? What's up with that parasite?"

"Adolfs."

"What?"

"Look eh... I already said too much..."

"And you're going to say a lot more before the day is up, or I'll beat it out of you. Either way, you will tell me. What the fuck are 'adolfs'?" My menacing stare did more work than my paws had ever could, and Senge spilled the beans almost instantly, although he remained somehow what reluctant to do so.

"It's eh... it's kind of a herbal paste, you get hooked on it once you get a taste of it, or so they say..."

"What, drugs? So our dearest friend Tusha was simply high on... what do you call it again, 'adolfs'? Why is it called that anyway, that's shit for a name."

"It's called that because it fucks the entire world up, I think. Look, I'll tell you all I know, no secrets, all right? You can trust me, sir..."

Ah, voluntary submissiveness... Love it, just love it. I know it's wrong to relish in others debasing themselves – it's an infringement on their dignity after all – but I just can't help it. Admittedly, I don't always live what I preach; I'm not above hypocrisy.

"The thing is, that stuff is all over the kingdom. Some fight it – Tusha got kicked out of her clan for being hooked on it; Zoa loathes the stuff – but it's still all over the place. Half of the damn population is doped up, basically. That's all I know. And I'm not digging deeper, I'm not tired of my life yet..."

"Is that so?" Even though I pretended not to give a damn, the information I picked up was pretty revealing. After all, if it scared Senge up to a point where he feared for his life, and if 'it' was 'all over the place', there was obviously some power associated with 'it'. I would have to keep that in mind during the time of my mission – I mean, excursion. I don't do missions anymore... I think. Anyway, the point was I would have to bring these narcotics into the calculus. And find out more, obviously. But I'd have time for that later; now I was going about visiting my 'fellow conspirators'.

There was one little interruption still waiting to happen, though. Much to my surprise, but not really to my dismay as I didn't care enough to be dismayed, it appeared as if there was still someone else living with Tusha. From the stinking depth of her cave appeared a lone pup.

I presumed it was Tusha's, for lack of a better explanation. It might have just looked even worse that it's presumed mother, if such was even possible. Apart from having an extremely dirty, dark fur that even seemed to have come of in some places, the pup looked sickeningly malnourished. I wouldn't be surprised if it were mentally retarded also – the slow, toilsome way in which it spoke certainly pointed that way. Either that, or it was just too exhausted to talk properly.

"Are... y-you here... t-to help mommy?"

Suddenly, in an uncontrollable wave of scorn, I couldn't help but smile broadly. Much in contrast to Senge, who seemed a bit shocked, both because of the pups state and my grin.

Looking deep into the young hyena's pleading puppy-eyes, I served it with a short and direct response.

"Help her? Ha ha, no, I'm afraid both you and your mother are both beyond helping, little buddy. Come on, Senge, let's get out of here. I find this place ever more depressing... We still have a lot of other stops on our trip!"

With that, I simply turned around and walked away. Senge lingered a bit longer, yet eventually even he followed suit. I could sense he felt rather dismayed, made obvious by the fact he kept quiet for once. The pups piercing eyes burning holes in our backs as we strode away didn't help either, I'm sure. But half a mile down the road, all that became water under the bridge, and I inquired as to where we should go next.

"Next? Eh... gee, I don't know..."

"Pull yourself together and grow a sack! If you want to kill a king, you'll need a tougher stomach than this. So I'll ask again, where do we go now?"

"I guess we could always go visit Zoa and her clan..." Senge shrugged, still a bit uneasy.

"No, I've had my share of hyena today. How 'bout we go look for that lioness, or the leopard?"

"I guess I could go look for Bedawi..."

"That's the lioness, right?" I was never that great at remembering names anyway.

"Yeah. I suppose it's best if I go look for her alone, so you don't have to risk entering the king's territory..."

"How considerate of you. Would you do that for me?" I asked jokingly, evoking a faint smile with my cheetah companion. The more time I spent with Senge, the less I loathed him and started considering him as someone with at least some potential. That sentiment of mine, however, was probably brought on by the confrontation with Tusha: she made Senge look like good company if only by comparison. Regardless, the point was I felt like I disliked him less, which caused my little quasi-friendly remark. Just because I planned on using him like a tool doesn't mean I cant like the guy. I just felt I had to explain, all right? Just so you remember I am still who I was before.

"Why do you want to see all of us anyway?" Senge suddenly asked. It surprised me he took so long to think of the question; visiting every last one of our conspiring comrades separately wasn't quite efficient after all, calling a meeting would have saved a lot of time if I wanted to see everyone.

"It's always telling to see someone in their natural environment – I think Tusha was the best proof of that. Plus, it won't hurt to get a feeling for these lands. The more time I spend scouring them the more chances of me picking up anything useful. Revolution is always part improvisation..."

"Revolution?" Senge didn't seem to like that word. And the funny thing is, neither did I! Why did I just say that? Bah, I guess my old lingo is just like swimming: you might get a bit rusty, but you never really forget...

"I meant to say regicide. Both starts with "re", and they fall in the same mental category. If you learn to organize your mind like I do, you get these kind of intelligent mistakes..." And if you don't believe that, I'll just make up some other lie, "Anyway... about improvising... you go get Bedawi, I'll find a tree to sit under while you search..."

"Maybe I could just have some bird sent for her?" Senge suddenly proposed, "You wouldn't have to wait on your own then..."

"Trust me, I'm about to kill a king, I can take some loneliness,"

"... but more importantly, it'll be a lot quicker that way..."

"All right, if it's quick, I'm not opposed to the idea. But do make sure it's a bird we can trust; we don't want to draw too much attention too ourselves, you least of all: you still have to live here, so we don't want anyone suspecting you for being a traitor of some sort."

Senge quickly took of, looking for some bird he could delegate this task to. I wondered where he got the authority, beside his teeth, to issue an order to any bird. But from the very fact of him conspiring against his king I deducted he was probably someone from that lion-jerk his inner circle, and thus held some marginal power at least. After all, enemies don't always lurk on the outside, but just as often within – I wouldn't be surprised if more than half of my fellow-conspirators were animals the king somehow trusted. For the better, it would make him an easier target.

Those thoughts coursing through my mind as Senge looked around for a messenger-bird also brought to mind another important consideration, though: I too should keep my eyes peeled for any internal threats. Some of the conspirators were bound to stab me in the back sooner rather than later. I already had some thoughts on how to handle that particular issue, though; those things were just routine for me after all, counterintelligence 1.1.

The only hard part would be getting enough qualified personnel – although I started to hope that, for starters, Senge would eventually shape up to be of some use, once properly vetted. Not for his brute force, obviously, but some brain power can be just as good at times. And notwithstanding his air of self-importance and lack of a strong stomach, Senge did appear to have some capacities as an organizer. I wouldn't be surprised if he had been a driving force behind the plan to overthrow the king.

After about an hour, Senge returned bearing news of his success: he had indeed found a messenger – rather quickly I might add – who was on his way to find Bedawi now.

"You did tell the bird to keep everything as low-key as possible, I take it?"

"Yes sir. I told him it was a matter directly concerning the king. Now, before you flip out: if something is of concern to the king, and he supposedly asked to keep silent, the last person our messenger wants to disturb is the king himself – his "highness" has a temper, after all. If he burdened me with an assignment, he did so with a reason, and the last thing the bird would want is to waste the king's time. Besides, that brute sends out so many erratic messages that this one will strike no one as unusual in any way..."

"Good thinking..." I nodded approvingly, which pleased Senge a great deal, apparently.

"Glad to be able to help you, sir."

A bit too glad maybe? I know I'm all charisma, others love to cling to me in both joy and despair – yet you seem to be a bit too enthusiast about me, Senge... Are you hiding something? Are you secretly plotting against me? Or is it something I just failed to notice before, something else... It doesn't matter: as long as I'm on my toes, and keep an eye on that cheetah as well as on pretty much everyone else I might still encounter, I'll be fine. A surprise, is, after all, not really a surprise if you suspect there's a surprise coming. The exact nature of the surprise is only secondary in nature.

As we were probably in for a long wait now that the messenger bird was out finding Bedawi, I could just as well spend some time getting to know the kingdom through the words of Senge.

"What's the kingdom like? Gee, I don't know... that's kind of hard to tell... what do you have to start on? Do you know anything about lions acting as kings?"

"I was born in a true lion kingdom, with a true lion king, ruling the animals living in his territory forcefully and at his at his discretion, sometimes on as little as a whim. From there on, it gets kind of... hazy. Nothing of interest..."

Nothing I want you or anyone else to know about anyway. Too messy, too many nameless graves. Preferable, you'll realize only when it is too late to be either shocked or intrigued; you'll have lived through it by then...

Ach, what am I saying... That's not what I'm here for. I'm in this to kill time, and possibly a king, not to go back to... whatever... Lets return to Senge, who began his explanation.

"Well, if that's the kind of place you were raised in..."

Born, I didn't say raised. I was raised quite differently, not quite the way any king would want to imagine...

"... I think you'll find this place to be quite similar. Our king too rules on as little as a whim, often at our expense. His lion pride dominates much of these lands, particularly their direct territory, a basin-like plain between the hills to the north-east and those in the far north. The lions pretty much rule all animals within their sphere of influence, controlling everything from hunting to the drinking water..."

"And how exactly? Does he enforce certain given laws from a higher authority, makes his own, or is it more of a direct command-and-control structure?"

"Honestly, I don't know about that. I'm not really that educated in those kinds of things... you obviously know more about those than I do," Senge reluctantly admitted, "I don't know how things went down in your kingdom, or by what name, but here the king just decrees numerous commands to all within his reach to best accommodate his pride, and himself. Anything that doesn't affect him or his pride directly or quasi-directly, he doesn't really care about that..."

"And yet all non-lions do his bidding?" Of course they do, if a lion ask you anything, you obey. That's just a direct result of a lion's sheer size, in spite of any noble principles you choose to attach.

"Well, yeah... He's the king after all... Plus, he's pretty big, and violent. And often times unpredictable. Did I already mention he's pretty violent?"

"Sounds like a real charming kind of guy," I couldn't help but smile, this was just too easy. If that king had been in any way been popular, it would have posed an added difficulty. Not an insurmountable one, though: even the most loved of monarchs can be brought down, from within, or by outside intervention. When push comes to shove, I can manage both.

"But Senge, you mentioned other obeyed him, in part, because he was the king. How so? Who made him king, and by what authority does that king rule you?"

"Well... I never really bothered too much with that kind of thought," Senge seemed honest enough in that expression, so I was inclined to believe him. After all, unless you plan to alter it, a power structure is something you suffer, not something you study. "All I know is our present king is a dangerous lunatic that I don't want rampaging the land of my birth, least of all as any kind of ruler. But if you must know... I think it was Aiheu who supposedly appointed the first lion as king and keeper of his realm on earth. Our present one is to be related to that event somehow... but I refuse to believe Aiheu would suffer such lunatic to be even as little as the custodian of his beloved plains..."

"I doubt Aiheu is in any way, shape or form still part of the equation..." I couldn't help but sound a bit scornful here, but Senge didn't seem to mind too much. I don't think he is an Aiheu-fanatic anyway, "But anyhow, I take it the kings speaks directly for Aiheu..."

"No, not really," Senge suddenly, rather forcefully, intervened, "No, not at all, actually. That's the terrain of our Grand Shaman. He's a different matter altogether."

Great. So that makes one king, one Grand Shaman, and an underground narcotics network. And that's not to mention all the minor players like all the unaligned predators in the realm, or the hyena clan. I'll have a great time maneuvering my way through that, no doubt. It all just adds to the fun, and the possibilities.

"Interesting. All right, that's enough for now. Anything else I should know? What do you do in the kingdom, by the way?"

"Me?" The cheetah seemed oddly surprised by that question, even though it had been hanging in the air for some time. After all, if I was going to kill the king with Senge, I had to know who he was, what he was about. Part one of that was asking him. Part two would probably be less consensual. "Well, I kinda... I run errands for the lions, sort of. I don't really 'do' anything official or on the record, I just go around doing any menial tasks the lions ask me to do..."

"Why?"

"I dunno. Free meals, not getting kicked around. Housing. Nothing a better king couldn't provide for, or that I couldn't help myself to."

"Fair enough," He sounded honest at least. And he probably wasn't that big a liar – he'd have been higher up the hierarchy if he had been. "Any of our other comrades I should know anything about? Any official positions?"

"Nope. Bedawi is the king's half-sister, though – but so are most of her pride-mates. Bangi does kind of the same stuff as me – relaying messages, looking around the land for rare kinds of food the lions like as a snack. He does some work for the Grand Shaman on the side too, but I don't think it's even worth the mention. I told you about the hyenas before... That's all there is to tell about our home, really..."

"Yeah, I get the picture... A quiet place to live, no?"

"A quiet and great place to live... at least before this king it was, and before adolfs flooded the place..." Did I detect a speck of Weltschmertz there? A little hint of Senge's more romantic nature maybe. I can't really blame him, the kingdom he described was indeed pretty disgusting and far removed from the ideal Senge had in his mind. A fertile breeding ground for dissent and rebellion, such a kingdom; a lot of animals with next to nothing to lose.

Speaking of which, it seemed as if my little talk with Senge had made time fly by, proverbially speaking. Already, the bird he had commissioned to find Bedawi had returned, most likely successfully.

"So, did you find the lioness Bedawi?"

"Eh, yes sir, I did. I think. Word has it she is at Kosa's cave..."

"What? She's out there again? Well that's bound to be a big waste of our time..." Senge suddenly sounded rather annoyed. Truly annoyed. Why?

"And I guess Adili is there too? Of course, Adili is always hanging around Kosa's cave..."

"Senge, I'm getting a bit confused on all those names. Do me a favor, and explain those before you start mouthing of about anything else..."

"Sir!" as always, Senge complied instantly. Nice. "Adili is Bedawi's half-sister. And Adili is the king's full sister. I guess that would probably make her some kind of royalty too..."

"And Kosa's cave?"

"That's where Kosa lives..."

"Of course, I could have guessed that. Anyway, where's it at? Close-by, inside or outside of the kingdom?"

"In a stoke of luck, it happens to be close-by and outside of the kingdom! Should help you stay out of sight, right?" Was Senge trying to mimic me in that little first phrase? Admittedly, that'd be funny, but not really appropriate. I'm all for cordiality, but he should still keep at least one step below me on the social escalator, regardless of whether I make him think he's my equal.

"Huzzah. We'll be heading there, then. Let's get moving!"

"Eh, sir Senge? If I you and your lion-friend don't have anything else for me to do, I'll be going home now..." the messenger-bird, who was still hanging around, suddenly addressed Senge. As it was obvious Senge had forgotten the bird was even around, and thus had no response prepared, I took the initiative.

"Oh, wait, one more thing," I asked in as friendly a manner as I could manage, moving an inch closer to the bird, who seemed honestly anxious to hear whatever it is I had to say, "Look, it's about this..."

It was about at that point I lashed out with my paw closest to the bird, hitting it, grasping it, then pressing it against the ground. Putting as much pressure on that paw as I could, it didn't take me long to crush the bird's back and ribcage in a nauseating succession of cracking snaps. Took about two seconds, not exactly record time.

"Wow, what the hell?" Senge shouted, "Why the hell did you just do that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I smirked as I took my paw of the deformed carcass, shooting Senge a shrewd look, "I'm controlling the flow of information..."

"What? You just killed that bird after it had done you a favor!"

"My point exactly. He had served his purpose. And he also knew I existed, had seen me and you together, and don't forget he could deduct we are in league with Bedawi..."

"You could have just asked him to keep his mouth shut to anyone who asked..."

"Perhaps. But this is more convenient: animals are way more predictable once they're dead. And it was just some random bird. By the way, Senge... you hungry?"


	3. Chapter 3

Ex-King 3

What are you doing?

I often stop to ask myself that very question. What was I doing, really? There is, after all, little use in continuing down a path of general pointlessness that comes with not knowing what you're doing, or not even doing anything at all. If you're not planning on going somewhere, you really shouldn't go anywhere. It pays to reaffirm your goals at times, lest you forget them and end up down the pointless path.

But this question of what I was doing is not one to be answered lightly. It needs to be elaborated upon to be answered with adequate precision.

In the long term, my objective was relatively clear: to lead a dignified and possibly modestly enjoyable existence. I'm faring pretty well at that... even though my life isn't always as fulfilling as I had once expected. Strange, isn't it...

But, I guess... I guess the fact that I feel somehow what disappointed at reality stems in great part from illusions I cherish about that reality in general, and my life in particular. As you by now well know, part of leading my dignified existence lay in the total negation of al illusions in myself and others. Thus, to feel the satisfaction I so sought, I first needed to get rid of whatever illusion I held, rather than hoping for that life would somehow magically turn out the way I hoped.

Still... Sometime's I wonder... Maybe, just maybe there is actually more to... No, forget that. Forget I said that. I stand by my words. I have no doubts, no regrets. Not a doubt in my mind.

But back to the matter at hand, shall we? I stated my answers to the question of what I was doing in the long term. Now for the mid-term. Those goals were a bit more mundane: descend into the ratchet depths of what constituted the life of a great multitude of lower beings, to remind myself just how decent my own life actually was, and to learn appreciate it's value.

And to kill some time; even I get bored sometimes. What I was doing now proved an amusing distraction from my usual routine. And all that under the pretence of helping a group of fringe morons throw of the yoke of tyranny. It's a hobby like any other, right?

And now, what we've all been waiting for: my short term objective in life, to go and visit Bedawi.

Here's where I found it a bit more troubling to think of a suitable answer to what I was doing. Funny thing, how I was full of certainties about the goal of my very life, yet couldn't stop pondering my plans for the coming hour or so, filled to the brink with a nearly existential doubt.

So I'll ask again: what are you doing?

Yeah... What was I doing... What use could there possibly be in visiting Bedawi? I already knew what I was bound to find: misery, suffering, and probably some injustice to top it all off. Those were all this shithole of a kingdom had to offer, much like the rest of the world it seems. What good could there ever be in visiting Bedawi, where I would undoubtedly just get to see more of it? 'Cause that was what was going to happen.

Thins like misery and suffering can bring about a whole range of emotions. Anger, anger about all that suffering taking place, anger about the mere fact it existed in the first place. It could also cause outrage, one could become outraged at the realisation that all that misery was just allowed to endure unopposed. Even compassion could stem from it, compassion for the poor souls forced to endure it. And finally, the intense and burning desire to change it all, that unstoppable lust for change. Something in me still longs for all those feelings...

Yet I have opted out of all that long ago, I decided to take the far less insufferable path; that of ridicule, disgust and blatant indifference. Ridiculing the suffering, disgusted by the mere sight of them, and indifferent to their strife.

In a way, I led a life of craven cruelty. A malevolent coward, maybe? Not really. Just a way for me to cope with a life devoid of illusions. A truly disillusioned existence, is, after all, hard to bear... And then there is always that gnawing doubt, slowly eating away at all things you hold to be true...

My my, I must be in a hazy state of thought today, always wandering of into that deep and brooding mind of mine. An interesting place, to be sure. Lacks a bit of sunshine though, at least for now. But all the more reason to take my tale back to the truly sunny realm of reality, on road to Bedawi! Sunny, it most certainly was, a most delightful day. So delightful indeed it even entered my mind to engage in some idle conversation.

"Say, Senge?"

"Sir?"

I always liked the idea of someone calling me 'sir', and started to cherish it ever more. That could only prove to be a good thing for those uttering it, like Senge.

"I wast just wondering... is their anyone special in your life?"

"Excuse me?" He sounded pretty flabbergasted at my question, or rather at the fact it came from me.

"I was just wondering, you're a pretty bright guy, and a fair catch I might presume. You must at least have someone you can relate to, someone of your stature, outside of that band of undesirables you're conspiring with."

"Ah, well... eh... that's kind of an intimate question, you know..."

"Sure. But considering we're in an assassination plot together, doesn't that entitle me to know a little something about you at the very least?" I kept as reasonable a tone as I could. And besides, whether he tells me or not, I'll still find out, one way or another, "So tell me, who is she?"

"She? Well, eh... you know, there is someone, but... eh... it's... it's a bit complicated, right? She eh... she's got a lot to deal with right now... I don't really feel comfortable talking about this... Sorry... Don't take offence, please...é

"Well, if you don't want to... you don't have to, of course. I was just being curious, don't worry," Besides, I had enough to go on, for now. I'll find out the rest on my own, regardless of how comfortable you're with it.

"Now let's just hope there are no unpleasant surprises waiting where Bedawi is staying..."

Honestly, I wouldn't count on it," Senge suddenly mumbled, sounding a bit gloomier than usual.

"No? Why not?"

"She's at Kosa's place... some serious issues there..."

"More hallucinogenics?"

"Maybe on Bedawi's count, I don't know. She's not exactly a clean slate. But that's not really the issue. Kosa is."

I waited for a couple of seconds, confident there would be more to the story, and equally confident it would be uttered spontaneously. It wasn't, leaving my little choice but ta ask him myself what was bugging my mind by now.

"All right, you've said 'A'. I'd be awfully rude not to say 'B' too, you know. So, what exactly is up with Kosa?"

"He... he's not supposed to be alive..." Senge grumbled uncharacteristically harsh.

"He's that big of a jerk then?"

"No, wait, it's not that. It's just that he's supposed to have died long ago, not too long after he was born preferably. But he hasn't. Adili didn't let him..."

"Sounds pretty harsh..." I noted.

"Well, you shouldn't try to mess whit what is supposed to be..." The cheetah smirked maliciously. He had uttered that sentence with almost religious zeal. Maybe it was actually religious zeal. I'd have to look into that sometime in the future.

"You shouldn't, huh? Says who?" I provokingly responded.

"That's just the way it is, all right?"

"And I suppose killing a king doesn't fall under 'what is supposed to be'?"

"That's different!"

"Says who?" I provoked once more.

"Says Ahieu!" Senge suddenly shouted. Funny.

"Well, I'll be sure to ask him next time I see him..." I couldn't help but smirk.

"That's no laughing matter!"

My mood suddenly turned sour.

"I"ll fucking decide what's a laughing matter!" I viciously growled, barring my teeth at Senge. There, that should be enough to make him remind his own place in the order of things. Well below me.

"There... Now that we're through with these funny business, lets again focus our attention on Bedawi. Are we there yet?"

"A-almost... Sir..."

And indeed, within a matter of minutes we reached Kosa's cave. Bigger than I had expected, I should ad. The cave, that is, not Kosa. I hadn't seen him yet. A long, narrow, deep and dark cave. Situated among some rocky hills, it was a good place to ambush unsuspecting folk just passing by, much like me and Senge. Of course, I was never really unsuspecting, always prepared for the worst, but still...

Since no-one awaited us outside, we ventured inside, in the hopes of finding those we had sought all day long now with so little vigor. As mentioned before, the cave was long, bark and narrow. Surprisingly enough, however, it became ever broader near the end, eventually turning out to become something of a small room. Thanks to a few shafts up in the high, distant ceiling, sparse light fell through, cloaking the chamber in twilight.

How cosy. Seriously, it could be a really nice place. All it needed was a little love, to remove the ominous ambiance of a tomb wherein I was trapped in between life and oblivion. But there was little love to be found down there. The ominous atmosphere, on the other hand...

But enough about the room! I want to talk about it's inhabitants. As the luck would have it, Bedawi was indeed down there, along with two other lions I hadn't seen before. It goes without say all three of them, or at least two of them, counting out the one that didn't seem to notice shit, seemed surprised to see me and Senge. Surprised, and not at all enthusiast. With good reason, me showing up is never a good thing, and this time would be no different from those preceding it. No, my sudden appearance would prove to be life changing for all of them, life changing in a decidedly bad kind of way.

And now to introduce you to those two unknown inhabitants of the cave. One of them was female and looked a lot like Bedawi, from which I deducted she was probably the before-mentioned Adili, Bedawi's half-sister. A closer look revealed a scrawny, lean body and bright yet unimaginably tired eyes. Eyes full of life, full of good... but also worn and beaten by innumerable disappointments, undeserved hardship and general misfortune. Someone with eyes like that is either the target of sympathy and solidarity from those that connect to her worthy struggle, or ridicule and silent disgust from those that could care less.

I was still in the undecided, not sure of which category I would eventually fall under. Senge, however, was a clear cut case: he was a silent yet disgusted type. Not the heart for compassion, nor the stomach for ridicule, he ended up in between the two

That's all for the lioness I hadn't met before. Now for the other unknown, a big, bulky male. I felt a bit confused when first laying eyes upon him; some things just didn't seem right, somehow. A lot of things didn't seem right, actually, I wouldn't even know where to begin. His legs and paws were too big to fit his body, the back-paws having unusual bends in them. His eyes were too close together, and his snout lay too far back. I'm not even mentioning the unconventional make up of his fur and manes, or the small driblet of saliva drooping down from his chin.

Being the observant genius that I am, I could already pretty much guess what the relation was between the unknown lion, which I presumed was Kosa, and the unknown lioness, presumably Adili. And why Adili's eyes had an air of exhausted desperation. And why the presumed Kosa looked so peculiar. But I decided to pretend complete ignorance, you know, for comic effect.

"Wait, stop! Who's there!" Bedawi suddenly called out, turning around, "Senge? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's just me. Don't get alarmed..."

"Hi!" I quickly thrust myself in the conversation.

"Senge? What are you doing here? Who is that guy? What is he doing here?" the lioness I presumed was Adili asked, seemingly equally disturbed by my presence as Bedawi, who backed away slowly.

"Look, eh, don't mind us, Adili, we're just here to meet Bedawi..."

"Senge, Senge, slow down! Where's the rush? Aren't you going to introduce me to these undoubtedly extraordinary lions?" the moment I sensed Senge wanted me and Bedawi out of the cave as fast as possible, I just couldn't help myself. This was promising to be way too much fun to back out of like that, not in the least because Seneg obviously hated this place.

"And who exactly are you?" Adili inquired, awfully suspicious of my motives – with good reason.

"He's just..." Senge tried to explain, before I cut him of again.

"Hi, pleased to meet you, I'm an associate of Senge's. And you must be Adili, if I'm not mistaken?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, I'd wish to say Senge has told me a lot of good things about you, but that's not exactly the case..."

"No, I didn't exactly count on that neither," the lioness vehemently spat, "So what has he told you than? What did you tell him, Senge?"

"Look, Adili, I don't..."

"Oh, shut it, squirmy little piece of shit! I can already guess: you told him about that poor, weak-hearted and delusional Adili, always trapped in her own little world, unable to face the facts. Well, fuck you Senge! Fuck you and your queer-ass buddy!"

"Please, madam, calm down, I assure you Senge said absolutely nothing of you, except maybe grudgingly acknowledging your pitiful existence," I grinned, advancing closer towards the lioness rather than backing away from her. I wasn't about to let this opportunity for amusement slip, "But judging from your own description..."

To my surprise, she didn't flinch when I approached her, and stood face to face with her. Resilience. Stubborn resilience. To my own surprise, I came to the conclusion I might have just encountered the only person in this entire kingdom worthy of my respect. I felt an irresistible urge to dig deeper.

"Oh yeah? So Senge didn't tell you anything about me, huh?" she growled assertively, "Well then I guess he also failed to mention how he and all the other dirtbags like him have abandoned me altogether? How they always mock me for the misery they've condemned me too, him and all his self-centred, sadistic..."

"Damn it, you shut your trap!" Senge suddenly roared, insofar as cheetah posses the ability to do that. Meanwhile, in the background, I could hear Bedawi whisper: "I'll be waiting outside...", after which she staggered towards the exit. I'm guessing that, much like Tusha I had met moments before, she was as high as a doorknob.

"Oh, now it's getting good..." Adili hissed.

"Just stop it, stop with all your lying, stupid tramp! You owe this mess you're in to no-one but yourself!"

While Adili and Senge were engaging in their little shouting contest, I couldn't resist the temptation of taking a closer look at the lion I presumed was Kosa – that'd explain why this place was named "Kosa's cave".

It didn't take an educated shaman to notice all the deficiencies to this particular specimen – I mentioned most of them before, except maybe for how grotesquely muscular he was. Now I was also able to perceive the peculiar look Kosa had on his deformed face. This was a lion who lacked more than just an able body; he also had to do without all but the most basic of awareness. No ambitions, no dreams, no thoughts of past or future and probably not even a basic understanding of what was going on around him most of the time. His concept of a fulfilling life was probably limited to the more primal impulses: the pleasure of eating, sleeping, simple forms of affection and attention. A simple being in all meanings of the word.

"That's all you ever do, wallow in self-pity, blaming others!" Senge kept on arguing in the background.

"Then what was I supposed to do?" Adili shouted.

Meanwhile, I carefully approached Kosa, taking into consideration his special predicament. With some simple bodily gestures and a change of composure I made him understand I was no threat – a simple trick I'd learned I-Don't-Know-How-Long-Ago. Knowing how to kindly engage animals like Kosa was pretty much a civic duty back then. And rightly so, I think; a matter of basic decency.

Whilst I calmly petted Kosa's mane, much to his content, Adili and Senge just kept on arguing. On a separate note, I couldn't help notice how well-tended to Kosa's ugly manes were. Someone was taking very good care of him – obviously, he was in no state to do so himself.

"What were you supposed to do?"Senge retorted rhetorically, "How 'bout leaving the retard for what he is, in stead of wasting your life on that waste of breath?"

That was a pretty ugly thing for Senge to say, I think. Almost as if in a reflex, and not entirely willingly, I couldn't help but add injury to insult.

"What, he's retarded? Gee, I could never have guessed that on my own..."

Adili suddenly turned her attention back to me, now between rage and panic.

"What are you doing? You get away from him, you creep!"

"Oh, please, he can only make your life better for it," Senge grimaced.

"What, you suggest I just let Kosa die, is that it? You'd like that, wouldn't you, bastard! That's all you and the likes of you are longing for, seeing Kosa dead!"

"I'm suggesting that if Ahieu would have wanted that abomination to live he'd have given him half a brain," sneered Senge, in his cruellest comment of the day. As seemed to have become our routine, I couldn't help but add to that.

"Say, Adili, doesn't he ever piss himself?" I light-heartedly asked, all the while scratching Kosa behind his ear. The mildly drooling lion seemed to like that a lot, and I couldn't escape the feeling he was probably the only being in this entire kingdom who was, if only for a moment, truly happy.

It was at this point Adili really lost her temper, storming at me with tears welling up in her eyes, all the while gesticulating wildly and shouting.

"That's it, get out! Get out of here, you creeps! Leave me alone!"

"Whatever, nut-case," Senge snorted, slacking towards the exit, "Just don't blame us for the misery you got yourself into when you defied the Gods..."

I hesitated a wee bit longer, stroking Kosa on the snout and giving him a chance to get used to my scent, probably the only part of his memory that worked properly. To him, I was now little more than a scent, the scent of a lion that had petted him gently. A good way of being remembered, I'd say.

"Get out!"

I don't know what aggravated Adili more: the insensitive things I said, or the fact I kept smiling sheepishly the entire time.

When we got out the cave, Senge was obviously peeved; the encounter with Adili and Kosa had really gotten to him. Who'd have thought of that, Senge had some real passion and conviction in him after all, and not only the melancholy he had displayed before. Pity it was misdirected at some rancid aspect of whatever was his religion. Oh well, I'd find some way to put that passion to better use one way or another, that's what I do.

However, I have to admit, the encounter also affected me, one way or another. For one, I forgot why I had wanted to meet Bedawi, who stood outside waiting for us, in the first place. If she hadn't approached me, I'd probably have forgotten she was there.

"Eh, Senge, why did you two come look for me?" the lioness asked, sounding bit dazed and confused. Her eyes looked slightly glassy. I'd say she'd nearly reached the end of her trip.

"Man... I don't know, ask him..."

"Huh? Why we came looking for you?" I wondered out loud, "I dunno. Say, Bedawi, was that your sister in there?"

"Adili? She's my half-sister... We have the same dad..."

"Really now?" I muttered, still not paying attention quite enough, "So, eh, who was your father?"

Bedawi hesitated for a moment. And so did Senge, who probably also knew the answer to my half-hearted question. Pretty obvious what the answer was, then.

"Was it the king I'm supposed to kill?" I suggested. Dumbstruck by my correct guessing, the lioness and the cheetah just nodded in surprised silence. I don't know why they were so surprised when I guessed what they were thinking; their silence had made it all pretty obvious. If it had been some rogue, or maybe a previous king, who would have cared, right? But now it turned out Bedawi wanted me to help kill her own dad. Sure. Fine by me, I don't care.

"Look, I you can stop being amazed now. And you don't have to explain anything. For the moment, I really don't give a damn. But onto something else... what does Kosa have to do with Adili? She takes care for him, that much I can tell..."

"He's her retard son," Senge simply blurted, "She decided to keep him, in spite of the fact Ahieu clearly hadn't intended for him to last long. And now she's giving us crap because it's hard on her. What nonsense..."

"Is that so..." I mumbled, keeping my thoughts to myself, "Say, Senge, Bedawi... I know I dragged you guys out here, but thanks to that little verbal scuffle back there, it's begun to get kind of late. I think I'll be getting home now, still have some busines to attend to. I hope you didn't mind keeping me busy all day, Senge?"

"No problem sire, I'm always happy to do my part. _We_'re in this _together_, after all..."

Great, so Senge had picked up on the "we" narrative I'd been feeding him. All in all, it had proven to be a useful if somehow what depressing day. After hastily bidding my associates farewell, and agreeing on a rendezvous-point where we could meet one of the following days – near Senge's den, just inside the territory of Bedawi's pride – I set off home. I didn't need a guide: I had learned long ago how to imprint the layout of an area onto your mind in a single visit, all in all a pretty useful skill when out on a petty quest.

On the way home, however I was struck by a strange, uncomfortable feeling I had hoped to have forgotten by now. I think felt remorse. Strange coming from me, I know. I myself was quite surprised too. After all, remorse is a rather useless feeling, and I don't like useless.

Remorse is a general feeling of discomfort, generally following the realisation you have done something "bad", to use an old-fashioned term. Something you yourself disapprove of might be a better, less value-laden description. Remorse is the feeling you get after you realise you have done something with which you, in retrospect, disapprove of. As such, it is utterly useless.

Think about it: if you did something you think you should not have done, you can either just go on with your life or try to undo the mistake. If undoing, or at least limiting the damage of a mistake proves to be beneficial for any reason, you do it. This reason can be a lot of things: material gain, a free meal, friendship, revenge (although that in itself is only useful in a limited amount of circumstances), proving a point, social advancement, advancing a cause (which can be admirable or futile), and so on... Even helping another just for the sake of it can be a reason in it's own right. But to just have a nagging feeling of discomfort that is remorse, which does not care if you corrected your mistake, let alone if you should correct it in the first place, is utterly useless, and annoying.

Nevertheless, I seemed to be stricken with it. And I knew all to well why; it happened by the usual playbook. I had made a mistake, and felt remorse afterwards. That mistake had been to ridicule Adili, and Kosa's condition. Sure enough, there was no gain to be had in trying to undo that mistake, at least not to my immediate knowledge, so I didn't try to do so. Yet that simple calculation didn't help stem my feeling of remorse one bit.

Now you're probably left wondering why I felt remorse now, as opposed to all the other occasions where I had insulted, humiliated or in any way debased those surrounding me. There was a perfectly logical explanation, however. Logical to me. On all those other occasions, the target of my scorn had been, for as far as my knowledge of them went, deserving of what they got, basically. For various reasons. Adili, however, did not, at least not from what I could tell.

Here's how I read her, going on what I had picked up: she was a person of strength, and resilience... the first one of those I had met in a long time. Despite all adversity, she was able to stick by her belief of righteousness. That she did so not following, but in blunt defiance of conventional religious doctrine, made her all the more admirable. Everyone else wanted her to leave Kosa to his fate, but she refused. She believed Kosa should not be made to suffer or die just because of being so misfortunate as to be born mute, deformed and mentally backward. Quite to the contrary, she believed it was her duty, not just her duty as a mother but simply a question of dignity and being a true person, to look after Kosa, she who had been blessed with better fortunes. And she was convinced it was not just her duty, but that of everyone else.

And that was where she showed her dignity. Her beliefs had made her a pariah, driven from her own community. No solidarity for her, only mockery and scorn, or outright disgust. Bit she didn't bow. She didn't come crawling back, pleading for help, she didn't kiss their paws in the hope of acceptance, she didn't abandon Kosa. No, she scolded them, spat in the face of all those leaving her to rot – as she rightly should.

Her stomach empty, her fur ragged. But she still stood. Kosa was still there, alive, well fed, clean. That's where she showed her dignity, not falling for the seduction of conformity, self-pity, or escapism in the form of substance abuse and the likes. Man... Part of me... I think I admire her, somehow...

And then again, I don't. Was she not living an illusion? To keep alive her son amidst all that opposition, was that not a forlorn cause to start with? Was it not an illusion to keep him alive in the first place, the illusion that her son had a life worth leading... Because what was Kosa's life, really? What did he have to live for? If he was (most likely) not even aware of his own existence, then why bother prolonging it? Trapped in that hideous prison his deformed body and mind were, would the decent thing not be to just... liberate him from all that? Leave him to... die?

Yes, yes, absolutely...

Yes...

Yes...

No...

Yes!

No... That'd be... I saw him just now... He looked happy when I petted him. Wasn't that enough? Who was I to say his life was worth leading?

But if not me, who then? Who then would I leave it up to decide what a decent life was and what wasn't?

No, that's not the point. The point is not that I can't decide on my own accord what's decent and what's not, but that I can't place myself in Kosa's place, seeing as he is so fundamentally different from me, unlike most other animals I come across. Therefore I, and all others with me, had to give him the benefit of the doubt. Since we didn't know what Kosa's experience of life was, we just had to play certain and assume it was worth living.

Right?

I don't know... Maybe there was more to it. Or maybe there was decidedly less to it, and I just made things more complicated for no good reason whatsoever.

That evening, I slacked home full of doubt and remorse. I hated it.

My terrible mood must've been apparent from the mere look on my face, since my queen enquired about it the moment I set foot in our den. Come to think of it, she didn't even have to look upon me to gauge my state of mind; she had her back turned at me.

"You look terrible. Something must be off off, you're not well." Her remark seemed to just fall out of the blue. Remarkable. It was only now she turned around. Time and time again, her smooth, dark curves strike me with awe, impairing all movement or thought. It took me a moment just to regain the ability to speak.

"I... I'm not sure... about something... something irrelevant, sure... but I'm in doubt nonetheless... The doubt, it makes me feel..."

"Sick, I know," Her broad, warm smile felt so genuine, so inviting, "Come, my little _kitwana_, come lie down. This is too hard on you to be standing up..."

That statement, it sounded so innocent, so warm, so caring... Yet if it had been uttered by anyone else, I'd probably have considered it an insult; as if I couldn't stand up on my own four paws. Yet when it came from my queen... Carefully, I nestled up against her, resting my head on her chest, feeling it slowly move up and down.

"My, your head feels heavy with gloomy thoughts... Did something happen today? Something you can't get out of your head, something that filled you with doubt..."

"Yeah... I'm filled with doubt and remorse..." I whispered, eyes closed.

"Remorse? Well... that can happen, I suppose. You can't expect yourself to part from that completely; to accomplish that, would require... perfection... you don't aspire perfection, do you?"

"Most certainly not," I purred blissfully, "What a vain illusion would that be... I'm far from perfect, and never will be..."

"Well, you're close enough to perfection for my desires," she chuckled, "Don't worry; that you realise where you stand only serves to prove that... Now, try letting go of all that useless remorse, just... forget about it, understand? Learn from it, make sure it won't happen again any time soon. Neither of us is served with that. If a mistake needs fixing, go on ahead. But don't ponder on it needlessly. It solves nothing, and helps nobody..."

"It's already gone... Like it never existed..."

"But your doubt... That's something serious..."

"Not really," My murmuring sounded more defiant than I would have liked. Not a lot, mind you, but still too much, "You see, it's just this minor issue, nothing big, really..."

"Oh really?" Did I detect condescension? "Nothing big? That sounds a bit trivialising for so important a thing as life doubt..."

"Life doubt? No, no, not at all!" I felt almost shocked that she, of all animals, would utter something so terrible! Life doubt, me? I'd never! I do not doubt any aspect of life, not it's supposed purpose, goal or conduct! That's what makes me who I am, I have the answers, I need doubt no more. I don't have to seek anything to give meaning to my existence... That's what others do, that's what makes them so susceptible to the calls of false prophets, or the sweet caress of ecstasy, no matter in what wretched forms it may come to them...

Live a dignified and modestly enjoyable existence... That's the only answer, that's all there is... Don't look further, don't look at what's not there... And I don't. I accepted this long ago, that's what makes me who I am...

"And who are you to decide so?" my queen asked me after a short silence, "Who are you to decide what matters in life?"

"If not me, who else?" I retorted rhetorically.

"Me."

An answer so short, so obvious, so comforting, so complete, so uncomplicated... so perfect. I mean, coming from my queen, it was all that. I could think of no apt response, partly because it... it made sense, right there. She was the only one who might be as capable as me, or even more so, to decide, at least from among the beings I knew. Although I dare guess that even after meeting all animals to crawl the earth and then some, she would still end up on top.

"Come, tell me, what is it you doubt so? How did it come to this, what happened?"

"All right... I'll take it from the start... The first day I spent down with the lesser creatures of this earth started surprisingly low-key..." And so, I came to recount the passage of the day, and all it had meant to me. We went over the different encounters, the thoughts I had, the meaning of some occurrences. I thought nothing much of them.

"... and I slacked home full of doubt and remorse. I hated it."

The cave fell silent for an instance. The only sound I could hear was our mutual breathing. It was frighteningly in sync. A shudder reverberated down my spine when Lio sighed loudly, marking the end of the blissful yet tense silence.

"Finally..." she smiled.

"Finally?"

"You're ready. A nudge out of the door, some slacking around, some looking around, some lone thoughts. And now you're ready to move on..."

"I... I don't think I..."

"Of course you don't, sweet _kitwana,_" I felt small. That's the best I can do to describe it, the best I can do to transmit my general feeling. I felt smaller than usual, less significant, less worthy. Less worthy to be my own master, "You need a little more help. But don't worry, I'm here. I'll always be here to guide you. Now come, let me help you..."

"I desire nothing more..."

"Reiterate. What fills you with doubt?"

"Adili... Is she filled with vain illusions? Is keeping Kosa alive an illusion? Is Kosa's life not an illusion in it's own right? Or does Adili merit admiration for a worthy struggle, and Kosa all the help ha can get to correct the injustices he suffered from birth?" Honestly, as I repeated my question, I could for the life of me not point out what it was that Lio found to be so important... It mattered more for Adili and Kosa than it did for myself.

"Those questions... Condense them..."

"Is it all an illusion? That's what I don't know, I guess..."

"And what if it wasn't? What would it be then?"

"I... I don't..." I found myself dumbstruck. I knew what she meant, but then again I didn't. I had no answers.

"The desire to keep Kosa alive, against all adversity, in the face of hostility... What is it, if not an illusion?" As I had come to expect, my queen was pointedly as ever. I had no answers.

"What is an illusion?" she now asked, with gentle yet unfaltering persistence.

"Well... it's hard to explain, that's for a fact..." I smirked. To my delight, my queen began to chuckle, not in mockery of me, but with me. The sound of it alone made my life up to now worthwhile.

"An illusion,_ kitwana_, is that which is not, which never was, which never will, which never lasts. You can live it, you can desire it, you can strive for it. But all to no avail. Now, tell me, to desire keeping Kosa alive... To keep Kosa alive... an illusion?"

I needed time. Time to realise, time to comprehend, time to see... It took me a long time, not measurable by any means, but long. Until, finally, I shattered the silence.

"It was – he still lives..."

My queen nodded with approval.

"It is – he is alive...

But _will_ it be? Will it last?"

"Think, think back. We didn't always live here. Think back to where you lived, maybe even before me. Could Kosa survive?" Like a hawk snatching a tiny mouse from an infinite plain, Lio lifted the right answers from my mind, and the needed questions. It felt almost surreal.

I thought back to my early life. Really early life. Nope. Kosa wouldn't live, not then, not there. He'd have been killed, actively. They'd have found no use for him, except maybe vulture chow.

Then I thought back again, but not quite as far. Back to a better time, a time of progress. Would you believe that, lo and behold, Kosa lives! Back then, not that far back, he would have survived, he would have been fed, he would just live out his days in peace, quiet and comfort! Part of me found it a reassuring thought, though I didn't know why.

"He could survive!" I called out, "I remember animals like him, back when I was raised, after my childhood had been terminated. Before that time, he would have been killed... But I remember a time after that, where his life would have lasted..."

"So it's possible that 'it' will be. It's possible that 'it' will last," Lio noted, "Not certain, but it is possible. So it's not an illusion; it was, it is and it possibly will. But it isn't a certainty either..."

"But then, if not those two..."

"... then what is it?"

I was eager. She was building up the conversation, it would lead me somewhere new, somewhere big. Somewhere definite?

"I... I can't tell!"

"Of course you can't. That's where you failed before. That's why you were in doubt," I could just feel my queen's reassuring smile, smiling sweetly as she explained the ways of the world to me, "Illusions are a dangerous thing. In the end, they are destructive. They will always lead to despair, disappointment, frustration, pain and suffering... It can come from those who suffer illusions, or those who have them imposed upon them."

"That's why we have to take care to seek them, in ourself and others, and neutralise them, before they destroy us all..." I repeat myself often. Lest I forget, you know.

"And you saw that, long ago. It lead you away from your old purpose, from your old home, from your old life. It lead you here, with me. That's a good thing. But you're not perfect. Your concept of illusions was not perfect. It made you oblivious to the thin line between certainty and illusion. The realm of what could be. And most importantly, the realm of what Should be."

"I..." I was at a loss of words. I had faulted, and gravely so. Had I really? I, of all beings, was it I who had erred? It made sense. I thought about it, more and more... My queen was right, I tracked back on her reasoning, and I could see plain and clear she was right, and I could pinpoint the exact core of her argument.

"You understand now, don't you?" she asked, after a short silence, "You understand now that not all ideas, wishes and visions that are not yet reality, are by default vain illusions. They need not be. If they can be realised, they are not illusions but dreams. Dreams, and ambitions. Whether they can be realised or not, whether they are illusions or not, depends wholly one one thing: context..."

"But... why didn't you tell me before?" I suddenly found myself asking, "Why did you leave me stumbling in the dark, just wading around obliviously?"

"You were not ready," she simply declared, "I needed to know if you have what it takes, whether you would be able to doubt yourself, to recognise the truth you held for so long to be impotent..."

"And what if I never got there? What if I didn't have what it takes?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" I found that reply lacking, for some reason. What if I had not been what my queen took me for? What if I had been a lion to lowly to still her desire?

"Nothing. From nothing to nothing. Like all lesser beings, you would live out your life with flawed vision, and eventually perish, and it would have been over..." For one reason or another, I suddenly felt less comfortable as my queen uttered those word. My breathing, it slowed, not enough to be harmful, but certainly enough to raise my anxiety, "But you shouldn't pain your mind with those unpleasant thoughts, sweet _kitwana_, it never came to that. You have proven yourself able."

"I... I'm glad for that, I guess..."

"And you should be glad. What would be an illusion for all, could be your ambition. It's all about context. What would be an illusion for some animals in some conditions, could be a valid dream or ambition for others. You are one of those others. So if you ever think you're faced with glaring illusions, always take a step back, and consider whether it might not just be a dream, a dream to be nourished and pursued to whatever end..."

"Yeah... yeah, I think I get it now."

"Do you really?" To my shock, my queen sounded rather sceptical, "Well then, if you really do understand, then tell me... What is your dream in life?"

"My... my dream?" Well, that sure caught be by surprise. I needed a minute to contemplate... Pretty chilling, how she immediately found the weak holes in my composure. She knew everything about me, "Well, I guess that would be... To... to lead a dignified..."

"... and modestly enjoyable existence, yeah, I know the drill," Lio replied cynically, "Don't you see anything odd with that dream? Anything... 'not' dream?"

"I... I don't think so..." For the first time since I can remember, I found myself stuttering, like a frightened cub caught causing mischief, "I – I mean... It's certainly not a vain illusion..."

"No, that it most certainly is not. But it is no dream either. It's a modality. It's not a destination, it's a way to get there. But up until now, my dear, you've been going nowhere."

Ouch... That hurt. The pillar of my existence reduced to a mere... modality. Ouch. But I was still there. Having their life goal swept away from under them would have been rather fatal to most animals, I can imagine. Or maybe not; a lot of animals wander around through life aimlessly from beginning 'till it's end, hardly realising they are even alive.

That said, although it didn't devastate me, the reduction of my life goal to a mere modality did beg a certain question: then what was my dream in life, really? I was pretty sure my queen would be happy to tell me, since she seemed to know more about me than I myself did.

"Then what is my dream?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Eh... No, not really..."

"Don't look for it! You don't have to think about something you already know..."

"I already know?" Now I was getting confused.

"Of course you know. As I said, don't look for it. Your life goal is pretty obvious. If something is bred for a purpose, that very purpose will probably be it's life goal..."

Could it be? Could it really be that simple? It would certainly make my life a whole less complicated; being pretty much raised from childhood for a single purpose indeed. But something just didn't compute...

"But... Wasn't that an illusion in itself? Wasn't that why we left our 'home' to settle here in the first place?"

"Context!" Lio suddenly shouted, "Remember, what might be an illusion for some animals under some conditions, might just be a tangible dream for others – for you. Here we have me, you and a defunct kingdom full of half sociopaths and entire morons. Think about it. Isn't this perfect for you? Isn't this the perfect place, at the perfect time, with the best kind of 'you' up until now?"

"Come to think of it..."

"So now you know your purpose. I suggest you – and me with you – get a good nights sleep. Then tomorrow, your days of killing time and mixing among the filth of the earth just for the heck of it are over. Tomorrow, it's about time you started putting your life to good use..."

"Just me?" I felt weird. I now knew why I sometimes found myself in doubt, remorse, and contradicting myself. It was because I had no valid purpose. But now that I had one, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. Sure, I had done it all before, I was raised for it. Still... It had seemed an impossible task before I met Lio, came here and abandoned my purpose. And that had been with the backing of thousands, many of whom my equals, or my betters... Now I was alone.

"You, and me, right behind you," my queen reassured me, "And there will be others."

"Others?"

"All animals got some potential in them, no matter how minimal. They might not realise it, or might never get the opportunity to show it. But whether they like it or not, you will bring out the 'best' in them. You'd do well to remember that..."


	4. Chapter 4

**Ex King 4**

There is no greater threat to my well being than my own thoughts. I realise that now, something I wasn't aware of yesterday. No, seriously. my worst moments of discomfort and personnel suffering are those where I am left alone, at the mercy of my own mind – and that's not exactly a happy place, as you will have realised by now. It questions everything, deconstructs it, debases it and reduces it to the lowest common denominator that is futility. If I start thinking about something, that something immediately seems so void and pointless...

To be sure, this peculiar mind of mine has it's merits; it allows me to steer though the clutter, pierce the illusions and see everything for what it really is – this in contrast to all the obscured minds that find themselves hampered by the invisible boundaries of their self-constructed or inherited delusions. But that doesn't make me any cheerier for it – to the contrary; ignorance is, in this case, definitely bliss. The realisation of nothingness is quite agonising, after all. Blessed be them of feeble mind, for they don't now any better.

So what else to do than stop thinking? I find that everything goes a lot easier now that I've stopped thinking and questioning. I decided on a goal, then I stopped thinking about whether there was actually any inherent point in the pursuit of that goal, and just decided to peruse it blindly. And in doing so, I have regained something I haven't had in a long time: focus. A goal to reach, a purpose to achieve – how I've missed you! Ironic, really, that it took the visit of five of the most hapless animals to ever walk the face of the earth to awaken me from my self-induced slumber. Well, them and my Queen, my Lio. It's mostly her wisdom that has swayed my mind, her words that planted the seeds of purpose in my conscience. Come to think of it, maybe I should even reconsider her title: she put purpose back into my life, so maybe it's only fitting I came to regard her as my God. A small, cuddly personal god, of course, but my deity all the same. And why not; if I were to pick one god to adhere to, it might as well be her: she was more tangible than any of the alternatives I've ever been made aware of, and definitely more eloquent. She actually speaks to me, literally.

But now that I had been filled with purpose, it was about high time I set out to fulfil it. And that would take time, and effort. It wouldn't be anything I hadn't done before, mind you – I was, after all, practically bred with only one purpose in mind. But that didn't make the task at hand any easier for it. I would have to plan everything out, make longer-term preparations. And ideally, I would have to get in shape again – years of complacency had affected my physical prowess. Not that I planned on doing a lot of fighting in the future, but it's better to err on the safe side.

At the same time, I would have to act fast, too. My new scruffy friends from the kingdom next-door had commissioned me to depose their sovereign, and they probably wouldn't stand for too long a wait. Their little assignment was my only window of opportunity into their domain, so I couldn't afford to get them suspicious, or annoyed.

Still, I did have _some_ time left. Most of my new-found friends weren't all that bright. And the only guy that wasn't a complete retard, Senge, didn't need a lot of convincing to unquestioningly lap up everything I left for him. With those soothing thoughts easing my worries, I set out to do some running.

Lions are ill suited for long distances - we're ultimately sprinters, hunting through ambushes and short spurts. I am really no different, for the most part. But what I lacked in nature, I compensated via nurture; the ability to cover great distances at a fast pace is not something I could afford to miss. So I started working on my running again, trying to regain my former level of endurance – I boasted an impressive physique in the past. I was pleasantly surprised to find I was still almost as fit as when I last set out on an assignment, some odd years ago. But actual physical training was only a small part of compensating for my lacking physical layout. No, what really mattered, of course, was technique. Luckily, I still had sufficient mastery of the techniques I had once been taught, years ago, when they turned me into what I am today. Learnt most of what I know about running from a hyena and a wild dog - both naturally proficient at long distances. They couldn't exactly negate my natural weaknesses, but they mended it as best they could. Don't remember their names anymore - last I heard of them was that they were killed while being interrogated. Yes, those were the days...

But I wish not to bore you with my theories on running, or my irrelevant past; the point I wanted to make is that I was out doing some running. 't Been about three day since I last met with any of my "fellow-conspirators", and "luck" would have it I suddenly bumped into one of them. A surprise, sure – but not at all a pleasant one.

"Is that you? Hey, wait up! Slow down!"

"No, you go faster. In this world of ours, the strong show no clemency for the weak – and the fast don't scale back for the slow."

By now, Bedawi had pretty much caught up with me - it was appearently her following me. She more or less hobbled along as I sped across the plains. Both her smell and the very sight of her were as repugnant as ever – and as if to add to that, a rash on one of her legs I had noticed earlier seemed to have gotten worse. Lovely. Best I stop running, before it prematurely kills her, I considered.

"So tell me, why did you seek me out, Bedawi? Because I would find it highly suspect to just bump into you by accident..."

As a matter of fact, if she claimed to have indeed run in to me entirely coincidentally, I would have probably killed her for spying on me - or at least for lying, since she definitely didn't run into me by mere chance... Okay, maybe I wouldn't have killed her per se; that'd be a bit much. Still, I am pretty suspicious, sometimes beyond the point of reason – one of the many carryovers over from my previous occupation. I wouldn't exactly call it paranoid, as that implies a certain pathological irrationality - but it's a close call. Come to think of it, that's probably why I'm so unwilling to reveal anything about my life prior to settling here – much to your annoyance, I know.

"Why did I "seek you out"? Why the hell do you think? What the fuck have you been up to anyway, I thought we had a deal here! Are you still going to get rid of that useless shit of a king or what?"

She glared at me furiously - pretty angry anyway; most of the time it's kind of hard to tell what that vacant stare of her is supposed to signify. Anyhow, this time, she displayed anger, and she even projected it onto me via an implicit command. Quite presumptuous of her, to assume command over me when she had nothing more than impotent rage to back her up. The best thing to do was to show her the error in her way, rather than actually explain why her way of addressing me was quite inappropriate. So I punched her in the face. A clean, hard hit on the nose, no claws involved. Blood now streaming from her nostrils, she staggered sideways, looking understandably shocked and shouting in pain.

"Can it, it's just one little punch. Now, if you ever talk to me like that again, I will kill you all right? Right. So, you were asking about what I am planning to do about that pea-brained king of yours?"

"You-you... are you insane?"

"Not that I know of, no. Now, about your king... do you know where he is right now?"

"Y...yeah..."

"All right then, just show me to him!" I produced a faint smile - though I doubt that would reassure Bedawi after her run in with my paw.

"What, right now?"

I nodded, tired of talking to the halfwit.

"But... That's not what Senge said!"

Ah, I think she just remembered our meeting a couple of days earlier, outside Kosa's cave, when me, Senge and Bedawi had last met.

"When we went back home, Senge said to me that said to him you needed to prepare, that you didn't want to just waltz in and confront the King! And now you simply ask me to take you to him?"

Isn't it obvious? I lied. Kind of anyway; it's true, I can't just walk up to the King and kill him. I mean, I could, physically, but killing the actual King is just one part in overthrowing the tyranny over these lands. Of course, my fellow conspirators didn't realise that yet - and I doubt that was what they wanted; they probably just wanted the king dead. But that's not what they asked me to do, they asked me to overthrow tyranny. And I would, even if that's not what they had had in mind. But to accomplish that, I needed information, and me showing my head in the kingdom would probably be my best chance at gathering some preliminary facts my co-conspirators were unwilling or unable to communicate directly. In other words, I didn't trust a single word those cretins spoke to me, and had to see some things with my own eyes.

I got carried away there. Right, so I wasn't about to walk up to the king and just kill him, that part of what I said earlier was true. But that doesn't mean I can't have a chat with the cur, that's an entirely different mater. And that was what I had in mind, a spur-of-the-moment thing. To upset my conspirators - just imagine their faces when I chat around with their King. How they would fear me betraying them - and rightly so!

"What do you think I have been doing these past few days, hmmm? I have been preparing, be sure of that. I mean, come on now, do you take me for a fool, Bedawi? I sure hope you don't."

"No, no, not at all! I was just wondering 't is all... I'll take you to him, if that's what you want!"

Thus we set out. I wish I could tell you anything interesting about the kingdom we travelled through for multiple hours, or the conversations we had on the way there. But there are no interesting conversations to be had with Bedawi. And the kingdom? Well... let's just say it's a rather unappealing place. I saw some predators lurking near the few herds we passed by. I'd say about half of 'em looked doped-up. One dead leopard, head bashed in, now a snack for vultures. Looked like a lion's doing - my guess would be the king.

Finally, we came across a lioness. I think my appearance startled her - that would explain the roaring.

"Stop! Who the hell are you? Don't come any closer!"

"Calm down! It's me, Bedawi!"

I don't think it's you who she's worried about. I think it's a combination of me, and the fact of her being obviously high.

"Whoa, Bedawi? But who..."

Before my companion could blow my cover by blurting out something retarded like "He's the one who's gonna set us all free", I adressed the druggie myself.

"I'm not here, I'm just a figment of your imagination. And I have to leave now. Don't try and follow me, or I will break your neck. Bye."

A small pat on her shoulder was enough to get Bedawi to come along with me as I hurried on - I guess her run-in with my paw earlier had made her a whole lot more eager to do my bidding. Best of all, the idiot lioness we had just met did exactly as she was told. Why didn't I want her to come along with me? Well, I like to catch animals by surprise - it means I can dictate the terms of our meeting, assume the initiative and pressure the opponent. One of the first things I ever learnt from my teachers, pretty basic stuff. And even though I wasn't out to kill him, it certainly wouldn't hurt to catch the king unaware on our first meeting. Having that lioness run out in front of us shouting would ruin that opportunity, however, and get everyone "on edge". But why am I telling you this, all this should be perfectly obvious! I apologise, all this time spent among imbeciles has bred a reflex of me explaining myself as if I were addressing said imbeciles even when I shouldn't. Told you before I wasn't perfect.

Luck would have it we didn't run into any other miscreants on the way to the lion's den. Good; I would probably need all the patience I had left in me to have the meeting between me and the king work out as I planned. After all, if this kingdom of his and his petty underlings were any indication, the king would be quite the intolerable fellow, to say the least. And I would have to woo him, for the time being, or at the very least avoid killing him until the most opportune time.

Like most other things I had come across that day, the den was quite underwhelming. It was situated around a sand-rock formation, together with a couple of barren trees. Probably the peak of a larger, buried layer of rock. I counted one big cave, partly submerged under the surface, with a number of holes dug in the dirt surrounding the cave All in all about one minute's walk across I'd say. As I said, nothing to get psyched about. And I haven't even begun telling you about the inhabitants! A sorry bunch of lionesses if I ever saw one - Bedawi almost looked good by comparison. All were skinny to the bone, with pale, ragged fur and vacant stares, not unlike that of Bedawi. And on closer inspection, every one of them seemed to have a scab or a bruise somewhere, silent witnesses of recent fights and abuse. Some of them got up when they noticed me approaching their den, others just remained stretched out on the ground - I found it hard to tell whether they were doped out, dead or just unconscious. A healthy mix of those three options, I assume.

"He's usually in the main cave, when he isn't out on border patrol - though he's been doing that less and less lately..."

Lo and behold, she was right. In the only cave of the den - pleonasticaly named the "main cave" by Bedawi - lay a single lion, surrounded by a handful of his lionesses - the ones chosen to be his mate-of-the-day, I assume. It took shouts from multiple of his floozies to wake him up and alert him to my presence.

"Aah, fo' fuck's sake, shut your bleeding trap already!" And with that gem of eloquence, the King sucker-punched the nearest lioness to have opened her mouth, "I told ya stupid cunt already so many times, you don't wake me up when I've had my fill, aye?"

Must've been around that time he finally realised I was around. He immediately jumped to his feet.

"Oh bloody hell!"

Now that he stood upright, I got my first look at this so-called king. Big was what first came to mind, along all three axes. Tall, long and fat. Reddish manes, brownish fur. Once lean and sinewy from what I could tell, but kingship seemed to have put an end to that; this lion had grown portly, at the expense of his lionesses from the sight of it. From his face pitted with scars, I'd say this lion had once been the very epitome of a rogue. That would explain his sudden panic upon seeing me: if you were once a rogue, anyone with manes suddenly becomes your mirror image, someone seeking to overthrow you. Which happened to be right, in this instance.

I think I'll call him Pitface from now on, no matter his real name. He'll be dead before you really get to know him anyway.

Now that he was aware of my presence, I had to act fast. Again, I had to beat Bedawi to the punch, least she yell out "Death to oppressor!" or something of that nature. Always assume the worst of your companions, and plan accordingly.

"Oh, my apologies, I didn't mean to startle you there..."

It only took Pitface a couple of agile leaps to reach me - an impressive feat for a fatso. Upon arrival, he roared out so itensly I could feel his foul breath actually blowing through my manes. Yes, I would need a lot of patience here. And I'd better watch out too: Pitface's eyes were strangely bloodshot, unnaturally so - a clear indication he was taking something. But from what I could tell this one's vice was different from all other addicts I have come across so far. Something that made him edgy, irritable and generally impulsive - that was my guess anyway. At any length, now would be a good time for some submissive bodily language on my part, and some more verbal niceties. If that didn't work out, I could always still just slit his throat.

"Easy there, I mean you no harm! I come in peace, just a friendly social call!"

"Oi?"

"We-eh - we're neighbours, you and I. Hi, neighbour!"

"What bullshit is this? Bedawi, who is this clown?" Ah, what finesse! Not that I'm complaining, at least he was the honest kind of king - they're typically all violent retards, but at least this one didn't sugarcoat it with a facade of protocol and self-indulgent authority.

"I'm your westernmost neighbour, I live next to your kingdom."

"Do I look like a give a shite? Why are you in my home? And I swear to Ahieu, if you give me the wrong answer, I'll rip off your head and piss down your throat..."

Wish I had a free meal for every time I heard that one...

"Whoa, no need to get all wee-weed up, I was just coming over for a chance to meet you. I just moved in to the area next to yours, and was wondering who lived here..."

"Bollocks! And what is Bedawi doing with you? What do you think you're doing, you whore! Hanging out with strange lions and bringing them into my home?!"

And that netted Bedawi her second punch of the day. Only difference was that I pulled my claws when I hit her earlier; Pitface most certainly did not. Bedawi collapsed, bleeding from the scratch-marks to her face.

"I say, you sure know how to keep a lioness in check!" Maybe if I tried speaking to one of his interests, beating up lionesses, this king would calm down a bit...

"What's it to you?"

"Oh, I just didn't know we lived next to such a potent ruler, 's all..."

"I've never seen your face before... don't recognise your smell neither... How do I know you're not just some rogue trying to scam me?"

"Well, I'm quite new, so that would explain why you don't recognise me - I could show you to my little domain, if you want..." I said.

"Your domain? Who's did you take over? Tarek's? I never liked sneaky little shit anyway..."

"No, I din't drive out anyone. I'm starting my own pride - there's only two of us at the moment though..."

"Starting a new pride? You can't just do that out of the blue - of who's territory have you been leeching? 'Cause I swear, if I find out you've been in my lands I..."

"No, no, not at all," I reassured Pitface, "I meant I didn't drive out any lions. My little territory used to belong to a hyena clan..."

"And where are they now?"

"Where I left them with their guts hanging out, I suppose..."

Did I really? Doesn't really matter, does it? A few dead hyenas hardly ever mater. What counts is that Pitface bought the story. So much so that he let out an bellowing burst of laughter.

"Haha! Rogue or not, that's a good one! Someone who gets rid of a whole clan of that vermin can't be_ all_ bad!"

Gee, I wonder why the hyenas are in the plot to kill this mongrel, too. I'm surprised there aren't more animals out to get him... maybe he killed all of them already? Or maybe there was something else keeping this numskull in power, some kind of structure, cabal or higher power I was not quite aware of yet... All the more reason not to kill the king yet; there was still too much going on I didn't know about yet.

"All right, so you sound like a swell guy - but what you here for, really?" Pitface asked.

"It's just as I said, I wanted to find out who you are. You know, your name, how you do things, what you're kingdom is like. The better we get to know each other, the less crap we'll have later on, being neighbouring prides an' all..."

"Shit, sure. Fine with me. You're obviously not around 'ere, I'll give you that."

Then he told me his name. But he's still just Pitface to me, though. And that was about it for my meeting with the lion I was supposed to kill. If anything, it made me even more eager to get rid of the fool than I had been before - because of that alone, I considered the meeting a resounding success.

"... and that's about it. Anything else?"

"I don't suppose you could show me around your kingdom?" I enquired.

"What do I look like, a bloody tour guide? Fuck that, if you want to piss around my domain some more, have Senge take you. Where is that useless weasel anyway? 's Never here when you need him - Bedawi! Stop your whining already and go find me Senge."

By now, Bedawi had about recovered from the beating, three nasty scratch-marks now clearly visible right across her nose. Even so, she was probably still the least repulsive of all lionesses in her pride. She got up cautiously and approached me.

"Here, take our new neighbour to see Senge. And as for you, "neighbour", next time you want to barge into my home or come see me, you talk to Senge first, understood? You were lucky to catch me in a good mood today, but if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll rip your heart out and shove it up your arse, aye? I don't even dream of just walking up to one of my lionesses again - especially not my favourite daughter."

The one-liners are strong with this one... Wait, what?

"I'll eh - I'll try and keep it in mind, _sire_..."

I'm fairly confident both me and Bedawi were glad to get away from that maniac. Of course, Bedawi wan't quite out of the woods yet - she still had to endure me for a short while, until I could target my energy on Senge.

"Well that sure was interesting. For a moment there, I'd forgotten he's your father - I think all the shouting and violence had something to do with that..."

No response. I think deep down inside, she wanted to shout "F-you", but she hoped to avoid yet another beating, the one I'd give her if she ever addressed me like that. Getting smarter already. Not that her being a wee bit frustrated with me would be all that strange: I had just put her in a pretty awkward situation, after all, walking up to Pitface without killing him and all that. Intentionally so.

Senge was pretty peeved, too.

"Wait, you just walked up to him? Just like that? And you did nothing!?"

"You guys fight this one out among yourselves, I have to get back, before he gets really angry." With that, Bedawi left me to the care of Senge, who was pretty upset, as I said before.

"Yes, I visited that kings of yours. Problem?"

The cheetah's eyes grew wider, and his tail started wiggling hence and forth. Angry cheetah.

"Of course there's a frigging problem, twit! You didn't kill the bastard!"

What's the word I'm looking for... ah yes, routine. 'Cause that's what was happening right now, I was being forced into routine behaviour. Senge, or some other useless slob, acts up against me. They do so in a way most unbecoming of them, being several steps below me in the order of things, disrespecting me as it were. And then I'm forced to correct that behaviour, usually via harsh language or physical force. What these animals put me through time and time again, it's just unbelievable.

Just for the heck of it, I decided to mix things up a little and use a fancy combat-technique. This one I got from my specialised one-on-one fights instructor, a hardy old ape - dead now, of course. It's basically swinging both your front paws in a curved, upwards thrust, using one to grab hold of your opponents neck and the other to swipe away his front paws. What ends up happening is that you get the other guy on his back, you yourself having one of your paws on his neck and the other on his chest. Just as importantly, it gets the other guy's back-paws next to you rather than under you (which happens if you overturn your enemy in a frontal attack), where they could potentially cause serious damage.

In short, it leaves your opponent at your mercy - all that in just a split second, if executed correctly. Much to my amusement, I caught Senge completely by surprise. I addressed him calmly, as he lay struggling for air, one of my paws pressed firmly against his throat.

"Senge, I very much like you, but how many times must we go over this again? I do not like it if you're rude to me. So lets agree right here and now that you won't be rude to me ever again, okay? Can you promise me that, Senge?"

"I... I... I do..."

Hard to talk without air, isn't it? I let the unfortunate cheetah get up again, and give him a moment's respite. At the same time, I wondered if the naive trust he had put in me on previous occasions was still there after this little trashing I just gave him. If it was, that'd mean there were practically no limits to what I could put Senge through

"Sorry about that - but you should have noticed by now that I'm a tad sensitive when it comes to those kinds of things. I have a bit of history with things like that - let's call it a troubled childhood..." The best lies are those grounded in truth, making them sound entirely plausible and self-obvious.

"I - I understand," coughed Senge, still shaking, "Sorry, I... I shouldn't have called you out like that..."

And voila, just like that, Senge was the bad guy. Not me, who threw him to the ground on little more than a whim.

"But still - why didn't you get rid of the king, when you were so close? Why even bother coming here then?"

Time for some more theatre, starting with a pompous sigh.

"Senge, my friend - you might be the smartest animal 'round here, but sometimes you make me wonder... Come on, you're a smart kid, can't you figure this one out for yourself? Why do you think I just don't walk up to the king and kill him? I'll give you a hint: it's not because I cant, you've just witnessed yourself what I'm capable of."

"So you could kill him if you wanted to... but you don't... maybe because you don't wan't to do it yet?"

"That's a bingo."

"But why not yet?" Senge asked.

"Think. Just have a look at that king of yours, and tell me you never wonder why he's still around at all."

"Huh? Wait, is that really what you think? That the king's only there because..."

"Someone is keeping him there, someone wants him there. Someone, or something. Yes, that's exactly what I think. And you know what else? If I'm right, just killing that idiot king will change nothing. I have to get rid of whatever it is that's keeping him in place. All of it."

Senge seemed a bit shaken by this revelation - either that, or I had just given him a mild concussion when I slammed him against the ground.

"But... isn't that a bit..."

"A bit much? No. Trust me."

"You've done this before, haven't you?" Senge realised after a tense silence. That sure took him a while, to see what was right in front of him, staring him in the face.

"You cannot "simply" get rid of a king, Senge. Tyranny, much like royalty or vermin, cannot "simply" be gotten rid of. It has to be eradicated, every last trace of it. Everything touched by it, everything sympathetic to it, everything feeding it... Top to bottom. Same for your problem. I cannot take it down before I know exactly what I'm dealing with..."

"I... I think I see your point... I think..." But from what I could tell, he wasn't fully convinced yet. Not to worry, still ample time for that. At least now, my co-conspirators wouldn't come knocking every other day, now realising we were in it for the long haul.

Speaking of our co-conspirators: only moments after we finished our little conversation, we happened to bump into the least noteworthy member of our circle. I hadn't seen or heard from him since the first day I became involved into their little plot, actually. It was the leopard, Bangi.

Do you know a lot about Bangi? Me neither. I didn't really think a lot of him - not that that has to mean anything; I don't think highly of most animals. Anyhow, I thought I had him pretty much figured out: he was just some redundancy. There's one in every group: doesn't say a lot, doesn't really ad anything, doesn't really do anything. He's just there. Same with Bangi; I couldn't really see him star in any of my potential plans, being devoid of noteworthy characteristics except maybe for genericness. I'd soon find out why, though, find out why Bangi was so forgettable. Little did I know then that he would come to be the catalyst for my entire plan.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ex King 5**

Have you ever known hunger? No, not just a mere craving, a sudden urge to stuff your face with whatever aliment you have laying nearby. I mean real hunger, a perpetual lack of the most base need that is food. I'll let you in on a little secret: it's horrifying. Ranks up there with the more horrible torments nature has to offer us – necrotic infections, for example, or a collapsed lung. Especially the first couple of days are really bad. I heard it compared to an addiction: you know you need it, your body screams you need it, you'd do absolutely anything to satisfy that nagging, screaming voice – to no avail. It hurts physically, it torments you, but it also wrecks your psyche; the entirety of the magnificent instrument that is your mind, wasted on the narrow focus on the unattainable.

It wears off, though. If you don't eat for long enough, your hunger vanishes. You still need it, sure, but you just don't feel hungry anymore, again calm, at ease. Depending on how little you drink, you'll die a few days later.

I wonder if it's the same with an addiction – a real one, I mean, one beyond the want for bare necessities. If you ignore it long enough, do you stop craving it, do you forget the want for a new fix? Does your mind move on? I should really test this theory; if true, it might be used to the benefit of all animalkind. Or, much more likely, to the benefit of yours truly and the detriment of all others. Luckily, this wretched land would give me plenty of opportunities and subjects to test my theory, as I would soon find out.

On orders of king Pitface, and accompanied by now habitual stooge Senge, I had run into Bangi. He was supposed to be one of my co-conspirators to overthrow Pitface, but his contributions to our plot had been entirely lacking so far, much like his presence (this only being our second encounter to date). But he would prove of some use yet.

"Ahieu protect us, it is true!" Bangi whispered as he approached me and Senge, "You really did cross over into the King's lands..."

"What of it?"

"Oh, no, it's a good thing!"

"Oh really?"

"The messenger couldn't tell me if you survived your encounter with the King, but here you are! What a relief! I've been asked to come find you..." Bangi did really seem relieved, his words sounding conspicuously sincere. So who sent him, I inquired.

"Well, I was over at the Shaman's sanctuary when one of the believers notified us that an unknown lion had crossed over into the kingdom, headed straight for the King. I was asked to bring that lion to the Grand Shaman; when he heard of your appearance in our lands, he was most anxious to meet "the mysterious outsider". Am I relieved it's you, and that the King didn't kill you!"

Need I even tell you I didn't trust a word of what he said? No, even though his facade was quite sincere, I still suspected him to be so full of shit that he didn't even deserve the subtle treatment. I got straight to the point.

"Ah, so you mean to tell you that the Shaman had never heard of me before, even though you, my accomplice from day one, are apparently the Grand Shaman's butt-boy? And that the Shaman is so anxious to meet any and all lions that wander by that he'd send you, of all animals, to go fetch said lion? Forgive me if I sound somehow what like a skeptic..."

Lo and behold, the leopard actually seemed shocked at my accusation. What, you didn't see this coming? You're in a regicidal conspiracy, yet expect no degree of healthy mistrust whatsoever? Yeah – no.

"What are you... you're not seriously implying I would tell the Shaman anything about you, or our plan?"

"I wasn't even implying."

"I didn't! I'd never! Why would I even?"

"You're in league with the Shaman, obviously," I noted sec.

"Hey, I just do errands for him, sometimes. Senge always hangs around the King, you don't go around accusing him of being a "butt-boy"!"

Sounded kind of frantic. Like he didn't want to anger me, deadly afraid of ever doing that. What a difference from Senge; sure, sometimes the Cheetah could get a bit emotional. But Bangi... he seemed to lack a casual mode, always a little bit tóó... well, too whatever he was at that time. Só relieved to see me, só indignant that I would accuse him. But it worked to his advantage; reason compelled me to take him for his word – absent more reliable and coherent observations, I could only assume Bangi was simply a moron. Much like everyone else in this kingdom. No news there.

"Fair enough."

And that, as they say, was that. I calmly shelved my accusations, so to speak. Much to my companions' surprise, like they'd never see anyone abandon their preconceived conviction based on rational arguments uttered by the antagonist. Gods, how simple they were... Yes, gods are simple, aren't they? That's called syntactic ambiguity, in case you were wondering.

"Right, no need to keep the good shepherd waiting then! Lets go see that Shaman of yours – he's bound to be more interesting than this little guided tour I'm having now."

And just like that, I was on my way to see the local holy beast. I was actually kind of looking forward to it, seeing as how I was bound to visit the old fart eventually: religion is a central pillar to any community, and if I was to understand this kingdom, a stop at the local place of whoreship was definitely required. Worship, I mean.

I was honestly surprised at what I saw. It wasn't so much the setting, which was the usual: high tree on a high hill, couple of animal bones dangling from the branches, click-clacking in the wind. Littered around the tree were various rocks not naturally occurring in the area, probably put there out of some silly superstition. The hill was pretty peculiar, though, with all kinds of unfamiliar, almost alien plants littered around, no two the same. Many different, bright colors. I'd heard of this before: it's a "garden", a place where you put together all kinds of different plants you collect from all around, and them you keep them alive and growing. Not much use to a carnivore, though.

But the thing that really caught my eye was the crowd. A Large mass of animals, all packed together around the high tree. Big deal, they might be having a service, that typically draws all animals to the local sanctuary. No. Not this kind of crowd, this was a wholly different matter, judging from the "kind" of animals gathered there. The first ring of animals I had to wade through, the outermost circle surrounding the sanctuary, they were all half past dead - walking wraiths is what they were. Predators and the odd omnivore, all so scrawny you could play their ribs for a musical number. A few dozen of them, just standing around aimlessly, seemingly ready to drop dead on the spot, the next one more mangy than the last.

An old jackal, his teeth so crooked and rotten he probably couldn't even be bothered to chew meat if you gave it to him, let alone hunt or scavenge his own. A wild dog with a ghastly crooked paw – he wasn't hunting anytime soon, that's for sure. But most of the animals there were neither incapacitated nor senior. They were the Tushas of this world, but just a bit further along – I could tell from their glassy, empty eyes. Dope fiends, whole lot of 'em, unkempt, nasty, desperate, and invariably starving.

While it's certainly useful to have all these non-animals in one place for any number of reasons, I still couldn't help but wonder for what particular goal they congregated on this hill.

"Ayee, all of you's can step up now! Youngest to oldest, you knows the drill, you do! And I'll be havin' non of them shenanigans, ya hear?"

That was one raspy voice if I ever heard one. Came from the front. And would you look at that: before the voice had even died down, the previously inert mass of animals surrounding the tree already started shuffling forward cautiously, moaning and murmuring all the way there. Truly a sight to behold, if one can appreciate the aesthetic qualities of misery and suffering. My best guess is that this is where the fiends got their fix – but that didn't explain the presence of the old and the crippled animals, though, or why they'd pick the sanctuary of the Shaman to do their dealings... There had to be another explanation.

Curious as I was, and with a mandate from the Shaman to go see him, I took the liberty of making my way though the sorry crowd. Needless to say this involved some shoving and pushing, hardly challenging when face with this lot.

"Hey? Who goes there?"

Again with the raspy voice – this time directed at me in particular, which only seemed to accentuate the terrible hoarseness of the animal that spoke up. As I advanced further through the throngs of animals, I finally got good look at the fellow. A day full of surprises if ever had one! Before me stood what appeared to have once been a lion. Been, as in "not anymore" – certainly not a whole lion anyway. Mangy, with more scar than fur, and the remnant of a bleak, shaggy mane spread irregularly around his neck. And that wasn't even the weird part. Around his head he seemed to have wrapped some kind of... I don't know... animal hide? Leaf? No, some kind of hide, definitely, a thin strip of hide covering his eyes, resting just above his snout.

"Wait, it's all right – they're with me," Bangi quickly intervened, "We're here to see the Grand Shaman."

"Bangi, that you? All right, didn't mean you no harm – just making sure no-one try'n to steal the food, 's all..."

Food? As we slacked past the peculiar lion, I finally noticed: behind him lay a number of dead prey, neatly arranged in a pile. Surrounding the carcasses sat a number of predators quite unlike the horde we'd just lumbered through. They all seemed well fed, and none of the had the glassy eyes of a fiend (although there was still something off with their eyes, I'm sure of it). Lions, lionesses, hyenas, the odd leopard and wild dog. All with the same look in their eyes, and all devoid of manes – manually removed from the lions and hyenas, I'm sure. They seemed to be shielding the food from the mob, which congregated around the lion with the raspy voice.

"Say, Bangi, who's the fellow with the thing over his eyes? Is he blind or something?"

"That's Pew. He's the Shaman's First Acolyte."

"Blind Pew, huh? What's with all food, and those guys standing around it?"

"They, my son, is the Order of Ahieu," suddenly boomed down fro the tree, compelling me to look up.

Of course, as theatrics would have it, the looking up at the tree was wholly redundant, as the speaker immediately descended from said tree, harnessing the necessary bells and whistles.

Now, if you were to think of a shaman, what's the first thing that comes to mind? For me, it's a combination of delusional and old. Call it demented. An old, delusional hag. But since it was the day of surprises, I'd be getting none of that. No, this shaman was quite different. To continue with the word association game, the actual shaman invoked, for me, charismatic, giant and thug. The look and demeanor of a warchief, if you will.

Did I mention he was big?

"Grand Shaman! Pardon our intrusion, but this is the lion you asked me to bring here," Bangi said, naturally being his overacting self. Talk about groveling. Then again, the Shaman sort of warranted at least some degree of groveling, I suppose: 500 pound gorillas tend to have that effect. This is not a metaphor, I'm literally talking about a hulking, 500 pound silver-back gorilla. I should point out that I was only later informed what kind of animal the Shaman was; I'd never heard of a gorilla before – he was just a really big, really dark, really menacing primate to me. Full disclosure: I actually cringed, horrified at this demonesque golem.

"So you have, my friend – you have done well," the Shaman exclaimed in a deep, bellowing yet restrained tone. Now their was a voice to kill for – that guy probably made shaman on delivery alone.

"And that makes you the mysterious lion that came wandering into Pitface's kingdom?" Noting the obvious, I should point out that the Shaman called the king by his real name, redacted for your pleasure.

"As requested, here I am..." Better to keep my demeanor calm, neutral and unassuming, lest a risk the wrath of all the zealous fools around me, not to mention the 500 pound gorilla. That didn't mean I couldn't strike up a bit of conversation, though: "So if you, ehm, Wise One, don't mind me asking: what's with all the eh... all of this? Did I interrupt your service?"

"No, not at all – today is a Day of the Alms, and all you see are the needy come to receive the blessing of divine brotherliness from the paws of the Order..."

That made a lot of sense, actually. It would explain all the the prey, and the unwashed masses gathered 'round. It made sense, but I couldn't quite fathom it; the mere idea of alms seemed so alien to this world, so unbecoming to the realm of Pitface, much like the Shaman, the garden around his sanctuary, and indeed everything about this place. This world I had wandered into, it surely couldn't have a place where the hungry could just go and receive a charitable handout? Yet that's what the Shaman's words meant, once stripped of all the formalism. Alms are just handouts under a thin, divine guise.

"You seem surprised? Do you not know of alms, or brotherliness?"

"No, its just... well..."

"You did not expect to encounter this kind of Divine Love in a world as imperfect as this one, riddled with violence, hunger and abuse?" The Shaman smiled sweetly, suddenly reaching forward with one of his humongous hands, gently putting it on my shoulder. I had to keep myself from screaming and clawing his eyes out. "I understand, this is a place rife with lost souls – but all the more reason for there to be a dutiful shepherd that selflessly spreads Ahieu's blessings to all under heaven."

I didn't like how the ape seemed to read my every thought. Granted, it was the image I was trying to project – you know, surprised, impressed, wide eyed... Even so, the prospect of a bright and charismatic religious leader always darkens my spirit. And that him and his "Order" were involved in active charity made him all the more powerful for it. Better to stay on his good side.

"I have to admit I'm a bit surprised, yes... So I suppose those carcasses over there are intended for the huddled masses?"

"Yes, collected by the Order, to be distributed by my First Acolyte to all that are in dire need of food. For such is the way of Ahieu: he looks after us, as we look after each other and care for even the weakest among us..." All complete with wide, sweeping gestures and thoughtful expressions. "Especially those souls that have been blighted by addiction need our undivided love and generosity."

A novel interpretation of Ahieu's wishes, to be sure – more typical is it to find Shamans calling on Ahieu when they wish to see the tribe next door eradicated. But, hearing the Grand Shaman speak, it indeed occurred to me that all that blind, irrational zeal could just as well be turned to a less genocidal purpose. An interesting thought worth keeping, yes...

My little parley with the Shaman hadn't done anything to halt the ongoing "Day of the Alms", by the way. The First Accolyte (or Blind Pew, whichever you prefer) had already started tearing up the first carcass, dishing out lumps of bloody meat to the bystanders, all under the watchful eye of the Order. The moment a little scuffle erupted, Order members immediately intervened forcefully yet measured. The entire venture had an air of routine and habitual professionalism. This is exactly what I meant when I talked about religion as a pillar in any community, especially one as derelict as this one. Lives depended on this ritual, on this act of generosity.

"Now, my son, excuse my curiosity, but might I inquire why exactly you ventured all the way out here, into the realm another lion? Do you seek to supplant the King?"

"Why, are you personally close to the King?" I retorted, trying to gouge which lie would work best.

"I see you refuse to answer the question..." The Shaman squint his eyes only slightly, but I got his message.

"No, Wise One, that most certainly wasn't the purpose of my trip."

"You can dispense with the formalities, lion..."

"As you will. I came here hoping to know more about what it is that plagues many an animal in the region; I have been encountering more and more animals suffering from some sort of _addiction_ near my home. I was wondering if I could learn what it is exactly that is going on here, at the blight's epicenter, and if there was anything I could do about it..."

"What an unequivocally noble endeavor, my son – Ahieu bless your soul!" Was that sarcasm I heard, though all the ham and pomp? "If your aim is indeed to help the poor souls of this realm, you could not have come to a better place. Ahieu must have guided your paws, you can do much good here."

"Quite..."An awkward silence. I had dug myself a hole, so to speak, that's probably why the Shaman now chose silence, undoubtedly hoping for me to further complicate my position. He turned my little "helping animals" lie against me, goading me to either divulge even more false information, or take him up on his challenge to join him in his "good works". Better to cut my losses, then – sometimes a little sacrifice has to be made to maintain the greater plan.

"Right. So... anything I can do to help, right now? We can keep the big issues for later, I think that now, I should just get my hands dirty. Maybe you could use another prey to distribute among all these hungry folk?"

"Oh, certainly, if you could manage that, that'd be wonderful – there is always someone that goes hungry, some child that isn't being fed," smiled the Shaman, now back to his usual saccharine self.

All in all a fair deal, one little prey in exchange for a wealth of information about the inner workings of this crapsack kingdom. Not to mention it gave me an excuse to leave the Shaman's presence, having garnered all I needed to know about his little cult. Now to get the Shaman his prey, and I'd be home free while leaving the gorilla with a decent impression of me.

I quickly requisitioned Senge to help me catch something. Bangi apologized, preferring to stay behind and help Blind Pew with the charitable work. Whatever, I was glad to be rid of that snake; better hands were available. Despite his many failings, I actually started to take a liking to Senge. Before nightfall, we got the Shaman his prey, and he thanked us profusely. Which made sense, seeing as how there were still a lot of empty mouths to feed after the Order had worked through their catch.

Would you believe the Shaman actually addressed the crowd, asking them to thank me and Senge for our contribution? And they actually thanked me, these non-animals. How awkward. I'd enjoy getting back home, to my little goddess, away from all these disgusting slobs and absurd occurrences. As soon as the Shaman would permit, I hurried out of there, away from the sanctuary, away from Pitface's kingdom, away from all the fiends and gods, away from the weirdness.

But first to say goodbye to Senge.

"What a day – and to think I was just planning on doing some running! Next thing I know, there's the King, and then the Grand Shaman! Now the only one left is the local drug-kingpin; once I get a bearing on him, we can finally begin cleaning up this insipid place you call home, Senge!" A little familiarity on my part was called for, I believe. Senge didn't seem quite as upbeat as I though he would, though.

"I'm glad it all worked out..." he mumbled.

"You don't sound glad. Anything I should know about?"

The cheetah kept his silence, which I respected – I can't pretend to be a sociopath all day, it'd get old. Besides, Senge resumed the conversation on his own accord after a while.

"If you get rid of the King... then what?"

Now it was my turn to keep my mouth closed. Senge took that as a "Whadaya mean?", while it was actually more akin to a "You don't want to know".

"I mean... would you... do you plan on becoming the new king, should our plan work out?"

"I wasn't planning on it, no." Honest to Ahieu, really. "Why, who do you have in mind?"

"No, no, not me, I don't know of anyone who would be king!" Senge was quick to reassure me, too quick. "But the other guys... I think they might have someone in mind. I just didn't want to... look, I said this just so there's no misunderstandings, you know? So you know what's what."

"Dully noted."

"Right."

"Senge?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. Thanks for trusting me. Even I need someone to watch my back sometimes."

One awkward goodbye later, I was finally back home. What a relief, all of these social interactions got so tiring after a while. Good thing I still had my little goddess, Lio. Wait, no, not goddess. I didn't have any gods before her, making her my one and only god. If there is only one, it's just "god". Goddess implies genericness, one out of many (so many in fact there could be both gods and goddesses), which was not the case. Whatever, it's just a joke anyway – getting to wrapped up in all of this...

"Oh my, you look tired..."

"Tired, but content... sort of, anyway."

"I'm going out on limb here, but you probably didn't just stick to physical exercises, did you? So, you made any new friends?" Gods, she could be such a snarker sometimes. That's from snark, by the way, an amalgam of snide and remark. Just so you know.

"You could say that... I met the King..."

"What was he like?"

"A misogynist, violent retard. No doubt he'll be deified some day, though... I also met the Grand Shaman."

Cue inquisitive stare from Lio.

"A giant ape with an equally giant following. Charismatic, seemingly intelligent and apparently quite the do-gooder. He made me feed the hungry, as a matter of fact. And he has a helper that goes by Blind Pew."

"Sounds like one tough cookie. What else did you learn?"

"Senge trusts me, that's something at least; he even fed me some useful info today. Although I honestly don't know enough about him to really trust him yet..."

"You'd like someone in that raggedy bunch of traitors you could trust, wouldn't you? You can be so fallible sometimes..." Lio snickered sweetly. Even her insults sounded like divine prophecy.

"I am, probably,"I was quick to admit – my goddess is never wrong, after all, "Yet I think this urge stems from necessity. I need a bigger staff. Now it's just me and Senge, and I can't quite rely on him yet... I need more paws on the ground, reliable animals."

"I think I can help you with that... Not personally, I mean – you know I'm no good at all the field work, that's your craft. But I think I know who can help you..."


End file.
